Self help

[Forpadydeplasterer]

Sorry for the new thread lads.

I'm really struggling atm with anger issues/****ed up/what the ****? pre pubescent issues.

I've got a 1 year old and me and the wife have high pressued jobs. Its been really hard recently to juggle the 2.

I've recently took a course for a career change but that's not working atm (it might once I qualify)

Any advice would be much appreciated

 

[Pure River Slut]

Sorry for the new thread lads.

I'm really struggling atm with anger issues/****ed up/what the ****? pre pubescent issues.

I've got a 1 year old and me and the wife have high pressued jobs. Its been really hard recently to juggle the 2.

I've recently took a course for a career change but that's not working atm (it might once I qualify)

Any advice would be much appreciated

Probably a few things to work through. Work out what the things are that top up your stress cup and how you can reduce some, some by thinking differently about how important they really are. Then work out how you empty your cup - YouTube mindfulness meditations, walking the dog, nature, exercise, podcasts, something creative, non stressful human connection. Make sure the things that empty your cup today don’t fill it up tomorrow.
Educate yourself about the emotional brain. Read the Chimp Paradox Steve Peters maybe or there are audiobooks.
Feel free to send me a PM happy to help if I can

 

[Forpadydeplasterer]

Probably a few things to work through. Work out what the things are that top up your stress cup and how you can reduce some, some by thinking differently about how important they really are. Then work out how you empty your cup - YouTube mindfulness meditations, walking the dog, nature, exercise, podcasts, something creative, non stressful human connection. Make sure the things that empty your cup today don’t fill it up tomorrow.
Educate yourself about the emotional brain. Read the Chimp Paradox Steve Peters maybe or there are audiobooks.
Feel free to send me a PM happy to help if I can

Thank you very much for the advice.
I'm not going to lie,this was the only place I could come to for advice. It's a streaming match atm.

Thank you for replying.
We're both just stressed upto the hilt.
I am quite aggressive as in "**** off man" but my wife seems to take it the wrong way

 

[SAFCDRUM]

Each individual can have their own 'issues', add on to that a relationship, young kids and work and it can build and build. Good advice on previous post. I've reached out on here and the support was humbling. Hope you can work things out. Please feel free to PM.

 

[Forpadydeplasterer]

Thank you for the advice. It's much appreciated.
I'm just finding it difficult to find a middle ground with my wife.
She's always been the number 1, but since we've had our sun I've found it hard to find place between them and me x

 

[Gordon Armstrong]

I've never been in such a situation (I (we) probably have, but to a much lower level), so I don't know how to help, but this is a good place (literally) to start . . . . and you certainly shouldn't be sorry for starting a new thread.
We have lots of experience here in our little village with all kinds of situations, and river slut's post suggests that he's 'been there' or thereabouts so heed his advice, talk about it and try to relax and get through it together
Have you got someone who you can go for a pint with ?

 

[Wayne the Punk]

Sorry for the new thread lads.

I'm really struggling atm with anger issues/****ed up/what the ****? pre pubescent issues.

I've got a 1 year old and me and the wife have high pressued jobs. Its been really hard recently to juggle the 2.

I've recently took a course for a career change but that's not working atm (it might once I qualify)

Any advice would be much appreciated

What do you do in your spare time? You get exercise, I have 3 dogs you can borrow Do you read much? Keep a diary

Good luck, serious if you want to walk dogs

 

[Saf]

The first thing you can do is send your wife some flowers. Apologise, let her know you acknowledge how you have been lately but make she sure knows that your child and her are everything to you. She’ll already know that but it’s nice to hear a reminder every so often. I’ve struggled with anger issues all my life. You need to talk, it’s the only way. It’s also important you do that in the right setting when you’re both relaxed. It won’t work when you’re both stressed, that is like a red rag to a bull.

For your own anger, you could talk to a counsellor, it may help. I personally go for walks now. I head off into the woods and I just sit by myself listening to the sounds and watching the wildlife. It helps me think through things logically and brings me back down. Whatever you do, good luck. This sounds temporary for you, not who you actually are. Relax, it’ll pass, you’ll all be fine.

 

[Prehab26]

Sorry for the new thread lads.

I'm really struggling atm with anger issues/****ed up/what the ****? pre pubescent issues.

I've got a 1 year old and me and the wife have high pressued jobs. Its been really hard recently to juggle the 2.

I've recently took a course for a career change but that's not working atm (it might once I qualify)

Any advice would be much appreciated

Morning mate. I have been in a similar position myself. Not sure I have cracked it yet either. Job roles and young ones, makes the house a pressure cooker at times, mostly comes down to a lack of sleep whilst feeling with stress outside and in the home.

Some decent suggestions so far. If you're in a position too, can the little one stay out for a night? You and your Mrs can make a plan and identify the triggers.

Other than that, you got room for a heavy bag ? A few rounds on that will do you a world of good. Morning gym if possible will otherwise help. I need to personally get back into that myself as I can feel things building again and it needs to become a priority as it hasn't got a while. Reasons like but needs to get sorted.

In your current job do you have a supportive line manager? If so, a conversation could help, bit more flex, WFH the odd day, responsibility realignment etc.

 

[Chunksafc]

Sorry for the new thread lads.

I'm really struggling atm with anger issues/****ed up/what the ****? pre pubescent issues.

I've got a 1 year old and me and the wife have high pressued jobs. Its been really hard recently to juggle the 2.

I've recently took a course for a career change but that's not working atm (it might once I qualify)

Any advice would be much appreciated

I know how you feel mate, the past 6 months have been the most stressed personally and professionally I have ever had.

The best advice I can give is talk to people, family, friends and especially your wife. At its worst for me, just being able to take a breath and have even just a 5 minute talk with my wife and see she was struggling to made such a difference.

 

[Scootsie]

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling mate. This is very relatable for me as well.

My lad is just about 1, me and my lass have struggled all year with our own stuff. My job certainly doesn’t help.

Talking to people is a massive thing for me, and also getting that alone time with the wife (I know this isn’t always possible for some).

 

[samwise_new]

quite a common problem these days, everyone wants to do their best for families/self but that usually comes with the pressure of trying to balance full time work with time for the kid(s) and it aint easy, even harder with the way the cost of living is heading.

plenty look at others and 'want what they have' which usually means bigger house, bigger car, more expensive holiday, it even boils down to the stupidity of better tools, lawn mowers, clothes etc etc and realistically, a tthe end of the day all those things mean feck all to your health and it can come down to a never ending 'oneupmanship' battle.

not saying any of the above is you obviously but time is important, time with your partner, time with the bairn (and i don't care what anyone says, no one knows what they are doing when a bairn comes along, there just is not a training course for that) and time together, time to keep in touch with friends and other family members because, and it really does happen, in a few short years you find you have lost touch with plenty of people then you find what was really important.

allow yourselves that time.

 

[Montysoptician]

Sorry for the new thread lads.

I'm really struggling atm with anger issues/****ed up/what the ****? pre pubescent issues.

I've got a 1 year old and me and the wife have high pressued jobs. Its been really hard recently to juggle the 2.

I've recently took a course for a career change but that's not working atm (it might once I qualify)

Any advice would be much appreciated

Paddy, you have taken the first step to sorting your issues out by acknowledging there is an issue in need of your attention which shouldn’t be brushed under the carpet. Please remember that your wife will also need support and someone to talk to.

Resolving issues is easier if you can talk to someone who is a good listener and isn’t judgemental. The best person would be your wife but sometimes that’s difficult because you are both too close to the situation. It could be easier if you text or write your feelings and send it to your wife, at least then you can get your point across calmly without the distraction that comes with arguing.

Your employer has a duty of care if you are suffering from stress. If it is impacting your personal life it will be impacting your professional life. They need to be made aware and should refer you to Occupational Health who will most likely recommend Counselling.

I hope everything works out well for you and your wife and remember the precious gift you have in your baby son, who will become more independent as he gets older, easier to cope with and much more fun to be around.

Take care and keep talking

 

[Moanjam]

As @Pure River Slut said chimp paradox is a good read to understand how we are wired up and I would also recommend. I done some anger management groups myself through my GP a few year back which really helped me, it's nowt ground breaking but again helps you understand what's going on with trigger points and such and recognising when stuff can build up, good luck.

 

[gelders pie]

I’ll add my name to the “ I’m here” for you group. I’ll just say that two things that have been said , may not resolve, but will help , seem to be opposites , but are both worth trying. On the one hand , excercise , especially hard . On the other , chill and meditate . Appreciate that both require the one thing that might be difficult, time to do them . Hope things are soon on the up

 

[Forpadydeplasterer]

The first thing you can do is send your wife some flowers. Apologise, let her know you acknowledge how you have been lately but make she sure knows that your child and her are everything to you. She’ll already know that but it’s nice to hear a reminder every so often. I’ve struggled with anger issues all my life. You need to talk, it’s the only way. It’s also important you do that in the right setting when you’re both relaxed. It won’t work when you’re both stressed, that is like a red rag to a bull.

For your own anger, you could talk to a counsellor, it may help. I personally go for walks now. I head off into the woods and I just sit by myself listening to the sounds and watching the wildlife. It helps me think through things logically and brings me back down. Whatever you do, good luck. This sounds temporary for you, not who you actually are. Relax, it’ll pass, you’ll all be fine.

Thanks for the advice, I like quite alot of structure in my life and walk alot when I'm in my daily routine. Christmas seems to have escalated it for the both of us as it's the usual stress and chaos that comes with it.
Hopefully the new year brings some sort of normality.

 

[Saf]

Thanks for the advice, I like quite alot of structure in my life and walk alot when I'm in my daily routine. Christmas seems to have escalated it for the both of us as it's the usual stress and chaos that comes with it.
Hopefully the new year brings some sort of normality.

Structure and routine are essential for a happy peaceful life. You sound like you’re doing everything right, even the exercising is great for mental health.

The pressure of Christmas with a young baby to go with it is extremely difficult and exhausting. Don’t be too hard on yourself, that’s important. I hope things become easier for you all again going into next year.

All the best.

 

[Forpadydeplasterer]

Thanks everyone for the advice so far. It really is appreciated.
I'm going to look into everything everyone has said and make a plan from there.
I'm just finding it really hard atm with the pressures of life really. The bairn, xmas, lack of sleep and structure.
I'm not too bad, but can feel the cracks appearing in our relationship and its mainly down to me being a miserable that and when I get challenged I get defensive and aggressive, which just isn't me.
Hopefully the new year brings a fresh start

 

[Wayne the Punk]

Thanks everyone for the advice so far. It really is appreciated.
I'm going to look into everything everyone has said and make a plan from there.
I'm just finding it really hard atm with the pressures of life really. The bairn, xmas, lack of sleep and structure.
I'm not too bad, but can feel the cracks appearing in our relationship and its mainly down to me being a miserable that and when I get challenged I get defensive and aggressive, which just isn't me.
Hopefully the new year brings a fresh start

The dog thing is genuine, I have 3 sizes, small, large and a ****ing bear x

 

[Forpadydeplasterer]

The dog thing is genuine, I have 3 sizes, small, large and a ****ing bear x

Thanks mate, I think mine would get jealous though