Transfer Rumours RIP Matth_2014

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As his best friend, I want to tell a few stories about our life together. I'll start with the story where we took a day trip to Brighton beach one day.

So there we are... Laying on the beach, rather uncomfortable on account of the pebbles and Matt says to me:

"It's a lovely view isn't it James?"

I look at Matt and see he's staring at two bodybuilders on the beach.

"You're not talking about the men are you Matt?"
"No, I'm not gay, grow up. I don't care about the man with the 12inch penis!"
"How do you know his penis size?"
"He's wearing a t-shirt that says 'ask me about my 12 inch penis' on it."
"Ahh... Okay."

We sat there for a while... Waves breaking on the shoreline, seagulls circling and throwing white flower bombs from the sky. The soothing cry of children whose parents refuse to buy them ice cream drifting through the air.

Then I hear a crunch, crunch, crunch on the pebbles. It's the man Mattholemew was staring at making his way to Matt.

"I noticed you staring" the man says to Matt.
"No I wasn't, I'm not gay, grow up" replied Matt.
"Oh, I was going to offer to have sex with you,but, you're obviously straight" the man says and walks off rejected.

At that moment, I notice a tear welling in Matt's eye as the man walks off. Matt turned to face him and watches him leave forlornly...

"Are you ok?" I ask him.
"Yes, " replied Matt, "I'm only crying because I saw a seagull eat a fish and I felt bad for the fish".

It was at that moment I realised what a kind sensitive hero Mattholemew was, shedding a tear for a fish he didn't even know, a fish that he spotted with his excellent lateral vision
 
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Milk just milk said:
As his best friend, I want to tell a few stories about our life together. I'll start with the story where we took a day trip to Brighton beach one day.

So there we are... Laying on the beach, rather uncomfortable on account of the pebbles and Matt says to me:

"It's a lovely view isn't it James?"

I look at Matt and see he's staring at two bodybuilders on the beach.

"You're not talking about the men are you Matt?"
"No, I'm not gay, grow up. I don't care about the man with the 12inch penis!"
"How do you know his penis size?"
"He's wearing a t-shirt that says 'ask me about my 12 inch penis' on it."
"Ahh... Okay."

We sat there for a while... Waves breaking on the shoreline, seagulls circling and throwing white flower bombs from the sky. The soothing cry of children whose parents refuse to buy them ice cream drifting through the air.

Then I hear a crunch, crunch, crunch on the pebbles. It's the man Mattholemew was staring at making his way to Matt.

"I noticed you staring" the man says to Matt.
"No I wasn't, I'm not gay, grow up" replied Matt.
"Oh, I was going to offer to have sex with you but you're obviously straight" the man says and walks off in rejection.

I notice a tear welling in Matt's eye as the man walks off and Matt watches him leave forlornly...

"Are you ok?" I ask him.
"Yes, " replied Matt, "I'm only crying because I saw a seagull eat a fish and I felt bad for the fish".

It was at that moment I realised what a kind sensitive hero Mattholemew was, shedding a tear for a fish he didn't even know, that he spotted with his excellent lateral vision
Click to expand...

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Solid_Air 2 said:
anyone else putting 2 and 2 together regarding the absence of Matth at the precise moment the Tory leadership campaign is taking place . To add to the evidence i give you the following from a leading contender
" Grow up and say my name properly "
Click to expand...
I can confirm that he’s currently completely engrossed in United transfer speculation on Twitter mate.

It’s important work.
 
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Milk just milk said:
I'm shocked at the lack of disrespect on this thread. I have always been @Matth_2014 's best friend, the two of us like peas in a pod, so it pains me that some of you are disrespecting him.

As mattholemew would sometimes say to me during our late night phone calls: "James, you're the only poster on Not 606 that I really appreciate. You're always there for me."

I don't know why he called me James, that's not my name, but I never corrected him.

Mattholemew was a pure bundle of joy and positive energy. He brought joy, sunshine, and love to everyone he spoke to.

I for one am going to miss him terribly.

@Matth_2014 , I'm sorry you're gone. You'll always be my bff and I'll never remove the tattoo of your face from my left bum cheek. You'll always be a part of me. You'll never walk alone.
Click to expand...

Nice story James
 
Milk just milk said:
As his best friend, I want to tell a few stories about our life together. I'll start with the story where we took a day trip to Brighton beach one day.

So there we are... Laying on the beach, rather uncomfortable on account of the pebbles and Matt says to me:

"It's a lovely view isn't it James?"

I look at Matt and see he's staring at two bodybuilders on the beach.

"You're not talking about the men are you Matt?"
"No, I'm not gay, grow up. I don't care about the man with the 12inch penis!"
"How do you know his penis size?"
"He's wearing a t-shirt that says 'ask me about my 12 inch penis' on it."
"Ahh... Okay."

We sat there for a while... Waves breaking on the shoreline, seagulls circling and throwing white flower bombs from the sky. The soothing cry of children whose parents refuse to buy them ice cream drifting through the air.

Then I hear a crunch, crunch, crunch on the pebbles. It's the man Mattholemew was staring at making his way to Matt.

"I noticed you staring" the man says to Matt.
"No I wasn't, I'm not gay, grow up" replied Matt.
"Oh, I was going to offer to have sex with you,but, you're obviously straight" the man says and walks off rejected.

At that moment, I notice a tear welling in Matt's eye as the man walks off. Matt turned to face him and watches him leave forlornly...

"Are you ok?" I ask him.
"Yes, " replied Matt, "I'm only crying because I saw a seagull eat a fish and I felt bad for the fish".

It was at that moment I realised what a kind sensitive hero Mattholemew was, shedding a tear for a fish he didn't even know, a fish that he spotted with his excellent lateral vision
Click to expand...

Sure James
 
What's with the James ****?

Are you jealous he writes longer novels than you fosse? <laugh>
 
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