OT - Ask Loretta

Swords Hoopster.

Swords Hoopster.

Well-Known Member
Aug 14, 2012
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Tony Crook's bathroom cabinet
Further to the discussion regarding daily reading material and the subsequent revelation that one of our number (me) is an expert of sorts in the area of sexual relationships, and on the advise of the Moderation team, I have started this thread with a view to providing a Q&A facility for anybody having difficulties in this area of their life. There is undoubtedly a sense of sexual repressiveness among some of our membership (Col & Sooper) leading them to lash out unprovoked on a continual basis. With this resource available, I aim to bring harmony and peace back to our Forum by helping people with their relationship issues in an open, transparent and unashamed way.

No problem is too big or small. Nothing will be considered weird or unusual (within reason Flyer) and everyone will be treated with dignity and respect.

Please avail of this service whenever you feel the need to talk. My door is always open.

Swords (aka Loretta)
 
Lol, Like it Swords.

If you were a real agony aunt I bet the suicide rate would increase with your straight talking take no prisoners style.

This should be a fun thread.
 
Dear Swords, Mrs Nine's has asked me to take her up the R's next season. I prefer to go up the R's with my mates and have a few beers afterwards. Can you help me with this awkward conundrum?
 
QPR999 said:
Dear Swords, Mrs Nine's has asked me to take her up the R's next season. I prefer to go up the R's with my mates and have a few beers afterwards. Can you help me with this awkward conundrum?
Click to expand...

Lol,

I need to change my name back to Up The RRRs, that would have made the UTR's liked this post all the funnier .
 
Dear Swords, I can now only get it up by chanting "Ooohhh Bobby Zamora" and taking the missus from behind, naturally she's objecting quite vehemently to this strange situation which has only manifested itself in the past couple of weeks, I'm at my wit's end, what should I do?...
 
Sooperhoop said:
Dear Swords, I can now only get it up by chanting "Ooohhh Bobby Zamora" and taking the missus from behind, naturally she's objecting quite vehemently to this strange situation which has only manifested itself in the past couple of weeks, I'm at my wit's end, what should I do?...
Click to expand...
shag Bobby instead <ok>:emoticon-0172-mooni
 
dear swordsie
my FRIENDS wife no longer wants to have sex with him
her best friend is up for it
why is my FRIENDS wife so upset about it
 
Dear Swords, I think my son is turning ginger, the embarrassment would kill me. What can I do to prevent him looking like a Duracell battery?
 
Swords. I am a 57 year old trucker called Vern.....and the whole field of epigenetics confuses me. Can you explain it in a few sentences..


I also do not understand why England persist with Glen Johnson




I do not know why people persist in voting UKIP when Farage always appears to be canvassing with a larger than life Dolphin.


We don't understand VIsual Software tools for office never took off
 
Dear Swords

Mrs 73 is insisting on being provided with the full "QPR Way' treatment. I have tried to explain that we need to build slowly, concentrating on safety, no flash or risky moves, until we are absolutely sure we know what we are doing, and that this could take 3 or 4 years, or at least until we have a bigger bed. To which she responds 'f**k that, we've been married more than 20 years, I can't wait forever to be entertained, what's happened to you? In the old days you used to have all the moves...."

I'm considering throwing caution to the winds.....

Help!

sb_73
 
Dear Swords,

I'm having problems with my Johnson. Once I get it up and running it seems to work well, can be quite fast and penetrative. The problem is I can get one or two goes out of it at best, then it seems to break down and it's months before it works again. It scores occasionally, but not as often as I like.

Also it's completely bald up top - is that normal?
 
Dear Swords,

When I was a child, we were so poor, that if I didn't wake up with an erection, I'd have nothing to play with for the rest of the day!
Why do I wish to be young and poor again?
 
qpr_badger said:
Dear Swords,

I'm having problems with my Johnson. Once I get it up and running it seems to work well, can be quite fast and penetrative. The problem is I can get one or two goes out of it at best, then it seems to break down and it's months before it works again. It scores occasionally, but not as often as I like.

Also it's completely bald up top - is that normal?
Click to expand...

While your waiting for the Doctor, may I suggest you consider your work environment.
It can be a very hot and sweaty workplace with people moving in all sorts of directions at a very fast pace.

In the first instance, I would recommend a hard hat ................ ok, I see you have that already.
Perhaps a high visual safety vest ................. ( fluro condoms work well )
Please consider taping off the area so no other workers become entangled on your work station.
Ensure workplace has EXIT door nearby for when your down tools and please remember that a no smoking policy is currently in place.

Once you have completed your work, you may also wish to consider terminating your job and re-mustering yourself as a lawyer / solicitor.
They are one of the few professions that charges by the minute as well.
 
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