Dear Swords
My other half refuses to shave her pussy bald.
Do I force her to do it, or drug her and do it for her ?
My other half refuses to shave her pussy bald.
Do I force her to do it, or drug her and do it for her ?
OT - Ask Loretta
- Thread starter Swords Hoopster.
- Start date
It is indeed fantastic to see everyone (except Col, but give him time) engage so enthusiastically with this process. If we continue in this vein, it won't be long before we are, in every sense of the word, "a band of brothers" as Joey Barton would say.
Some more Q&A:
I hope I'm not too late in getting to your query, Sir. I had a hectic afternoon dealing with PM's from a prominent Board member about a ladies underwear fetish. I feel we now have that under control. (Flyer, the bill is in the post).
In response to your question, I would personally opt for the '85. The acidity from the red berries and the earthy tobacco taste would work extremely well with the lamb. The '82 is a load of piss. I'd rather drink my own Semen.
Enjoy your meal
It is an eternal question but doesn't have the same profundity as "Why not?"
Ponder that for a while and get back to me.
I believe there is a Prem team in the place to which you refer although you wouldn't know it, given the constant grumbling of most of the miserable Gits who follow them. Directions are as follows:
If coming from Heathrow, take the OOH BOBBY ZAMORA line to Gloucester Road. Change onto the OOH BOBBY ZAMORA line until you get to Notting Hill. Change again to the OOH BOBBY ZAMORA line and travel to Shepherds Bush.
Sit her down in a chair and wrap her up in clingfilm. Then point to your Chinos, repeating the line "I wear the trousers in this house".
This should be sufficient to convince her that you're firmly in command.
Synchronisation occurs when things are operating in unison with one another. It happens in many areas of the natural World and ,as you have pointed out, mechanics. Your problem is not that you're inserting your finger into the fan at the wrong time but that you're not inserting your erect member into an obliging adult female often enough. Sexual deviances such as you describe by your attraction to your kitchen appliances, is the result of a lack of electrical activity in the Frontal Lobe of the brain, hence the desire to absorb electricity from other sources. Fortunately this can be quite easily overcome by "earthing" yourself and having regular intercourse with your partner out in the wild, in full view of all the creatures of the forest. Alternatively you could buy my latest publication "When you find your Fridge hot - not cold: How to deal with unusual lust" from 29.99 Euro (P&P incl). (All proceeds go to the Brighton&Hove Albion supporters swingers association.)
Best of luck
I shall be there
I do apologise Sir. I must have mistakenly skipped over it such is the volume of correspondence I am receiving.
In answer to your question, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Fairies are unpredictable and their behaviour erratic. Sometimes they like big ones, other times they like small ones. Wide ones, skinny ones, old ones, young ones - their preferences vary over time. But rest assured, I'm sure yours is big enough to satisfy the next Fairy you encounter. Just go down to one of Oddball's Clubs in Brighton and I'm sure you will have no problem getting their attention.
Have a good time
The brown is worth less and it can be a tight squeeze into the hole. I'd stick with pink because at least you know you don't have to cum round the back (of the table).
Are you a homosexual? If so I'd consider the tryst with the girl (provided its not Chelsea at home) to see how it feels. Everyone should try something different at least once in their lives (NOTE: I do not condone doing anything illegal or anything involving animals. Are you listening Flyer?). If you emerge from the encounter still craving the insertion of objects up your anal passage, go to Shepherds Bush market, get some info on the game from the fans emerging from the Stadium and then buy a Carrot measuring roughly 6 by 2.5 inches and go home and have fun.
Just such a scenario you described happened to a friend of mine and he followed my advice to the letter. He's now a successful Board member of a mid-size football Club and lives a very happy and full life.
Perhaps you know him?
Some more Q&A:
I hope I'm not too late in getting to your query, Sir. I had a hectic afternoon dealing with PM's from a prominent Board member about a ladies underwear fetish. I feel we now have that under control. (Flyer, the bill is in the post).
In response to your question, I would personally opt for the '85. The acidity from the red berries and the earthy tobacco taste would work extremely well with the lamb. The '82 is a load of piss. I'd rather drink my own Semen.
Enjoy your meal
It is an eternal question but doesn't have the same profundity as "Why not?"
Ponder that for a while and get back to me.
Ramp it up guys Dear swords....Can you please tekll me what its like to go to Loftus Road & how to get there?
Ive heard thier is a Prem team there but what colours do they play in and what players should i look out for.What London transport links go there as Ive heard they have electricity at that placeOn a sexual tip (as that seems to be your motive) Sexpo is at Wembley. Is that anywher near the loftus? Do they get dressed up in kits being so local../Please let mee know what i sould expect at the loftus Thanx
I believe there is a Prem team in the place to which you refer although you wouldn't know it, given the constant grumbling of most of the miserable Gits who follow them. Directions are as follows:
If coming from Heathrow, take the OOH BOBBY ZAMORA line to Gloucester Road. Change onto the OOH BOBBY ZAMORA line until you get to Notting Hill. Change again to the OOH BOBBY ZAMORA line and travel to Shepherds Bush.
Sit her down in a chair and wrap her up in clingfilm. Then point to your Chinos, repeating the line "I wear the trousers in this house".
This should be sufficient to convince her that you're firmly in command.
Synchronisation occurs when things are operating in unison with one another. It happens in many areas of the natural World and ,as you have pointed out, mechanics. Your problem is not that you're inserting your finger into the fan at the wrong time but that you're not inserting your erect member into an obliging adult female often enough. Sexual deviances such as you describe by your attraction to your kitchen appliances, is the result of a lack of electrical activity in the Frontal Lobe of the brain, hence the desire to absorb electricity from other sources. Fortunately this can be quite easily overcome by "earthing" yourself and having regular intercourse with your partner out in the wild, in full view of all the creatures of the forest. Alternatively you could buy my latest publication "When you find your Fridge hot - not cold: How to deal with unusual lust" from 29.99 Euro (P&P incl). (All proceeds go to the Brighton&Hove Albion supporters swingers association.)
Best of luck
I shall be there
I do apologise Sir. I must have mistakenly skipped over it such is the volume of correspondence I am receiving.
In answer to your question, I wouldn't worry too much about that. Fairies are unpredictable and their behaviour erratic. Sometimes they like big ones, other times they like small ones. Wide ones, skinny ones, old ones, young ones - their preferences vary over time. But rest assured, I'm sure yours is big enough to satisfy the next Fairy you encounter. Just go down to one of Oddball's Clubs in Brighton and I'm sure you will have no problem getting their attention.
Have a good time
The brown is worth less and it can be a tight squeeze into the hole. I'd stick with pink because at least you know you don't have to cum round the back (of the table).
Are you a homosexual? If so I'd consider the tryst with the girl (provided its not Chelsea at home) to see how it feels. Everyone should try something different at least once in their lives (NOTE: I do not condone doing anything illegal or anything involving animals. Are you listening Flyer?). If you emerge from the encounter still craving the insertion of objects up your anal passage, go to Shepherds Bush market, get some info on the game from the fans emerging from the Stadium and then buy a Carrot measuring roughly 6 by 2.5 inches and go home and have fun.
Just such a scenario you described happened to a friend of mine and he followed my advice to the letter. He's now a successful Board member of a mid-size football Club and lives a very happy and full life.
Perhaps you know him?
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(A) When one works in the public sector, one has a lot of time on one's hands and must find ways to use that time in a positive and constructive manner. When one is not arsed to do so, one logs onto the internet to bullsh*t with you kants.
(B) The spotlight is a burden I must endure. Being of a naturally shy and retiring disposition, this is not something I'm comfortable with but will press on ahead regardless as I made a commitment to carry out the Moderators wishes by starting such a thread.
How many days are we into the close season now???
It's comforting that you recognise us as the 'central figures of modern philosophy' that we undoubtedly are.
Its still far too early to start the 'What Cheese?' thread.
I normally fire that one up shortly after Norw*ch beat us to the signing of Shola Ameoba and Col blows a fuse
Well i for one was dreading off season on this site again. When the club gets linked with every ageing player out of contract it general turn to ****. Well done swords for this post very funny and helpful post. Maybe we can have this once a month. Just one more question i might begetting greedy here but do you do gardening tips
Dear Swords,
My problem is a relatively simple matter but I'd appreciate your expert take on it.
For months Mrs Nines has been driving around in her Honda CRV with a chip in the windscreen. I have badgered her almost on a daily basis about having it repaired but to no avail. Last night she went to bed early complaining that she was exhausted and had difficulty walking properly. Bless her I thought to myself as I headed over to my drinks cabinet for three fingers of a rather special 'Dalmore 12 year old single malt.'
It was upon reaching for my Waterford crystal decanter containing my tipple when I realised that she had left her mobile on the side. I picked it up and noticed that she had received a message. It was from Gavin at Autoglass which read...
''It was a pleasure spending three hours with you this afternoon Mrs Nines. I really enjoyed filling your crack with my special resin.''
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. How much was three hours of labour going to cost?
Do you recommend that I should I take out separate Windscreen cover insurance in future?
Cheers.
My problem is a relatively simple matter but I'd appreciate your expert take on it.
For months Mrs Nines has been driving around in her Honda CRV with a chip in the windscreen. I have badgered her almost on a daily basis about having it repaired but to no avail. Last night she went to bed early complaining that she was exhausted and had difficulty walking properly. Bless her I thought to myself as I headed over to my drinks cabinet for three fingers of a rather special 'Dalmore 12 year old single malt.'
It was upon reaching for my Waterford crystal decanter containing my tipple when I realised that she had left her mobile on the side. I picked it up and noticed that she had received a message. It was from Gavin at Autoglass which read...
''It was a pleasure spending three hours with you this afternoon Mrs Nines. I really enjoyed filling your crack with my special resin.''
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. How much was three hours of labour going to cost?
Do you recommend that I should I take out separate Windscreen cover insurance in future?
Cheers.
Mrs Rhino and I have been scratching our heads, Mrs Rhino has found a couple of round holes that needs filling but after hours of greasing/heating/Soft Jazz/Margaret Thatcher speeches we're still struggling. All I've got is a couple of rusty square pegs, a hammer, and lots of questions on why kids need to drink milk.
Mmm Nice.
Mmm Nice.
I’ve suspected that my wife has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, she denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Swords,
After complaining several times about the poor service and quality of their fare, the staff at my local restaurant invited me back for a complimentary meal by way of apology. I must say that the steak that I ordered was cooked to perfection, alongside which sat crispy French fries, mushrooms, half a grilled tomato and some petite pois. But once again they got my order wrong and, instead of a peppercorn sauce, drizzled across my aforementioned sirloin was a pearlescent concoction with the consistency of tacky glue. Imagine my embarrassment when I complained about this only to learn from the maître d'hôtel that it was in fact the chef's special sauce that he'd apparently rustled up specially for the occasion of my visit. Naturally not wishing to cause further unnecessary offence I wolfed the food down eagerly and restrained myself from further comment, even though the sauce was a little too salty for my usual tastes. Anyway, the staff had been clearly amused by my faux pas and had gathered behind the door to the kitchen, each vying for space at the window to laugh at my embarrassment.
So happy were they to now be making amends for their recent poor show, I have been invited back next week for Brown Derby, homemade lemonade and sticky toffee pudding. They've even mentioned a special soup that all staff will apparently have a hand in preparing.
My question is this: do you think I should continue to take advantage of their bonhomie and conviviality, or should I now be satisfied that they've put enough of themselves into my mealtime experience and politely decline?
After complaining several times about the poor service and quality of their fare, the staff at my local restaurant invited me back for a complimentary meal by way of apology. I must say that the steak that I ordered was cooked to perfection, alongside which sat crispy French fries, mushrooms, half a grilled tomato and some petite pois. But once again they got my order wrong and, instead of a peppercorn sauce, drizzled across my aforementioned sirloin was a pearlescent concoction with the consistency of tacky glue. Imagine my embarrassment when I complained about this only to learn from the maître d'hôtel that it was in fact the chef's special sauce that he'd apparently rustled up specially for the occasion of my visit. Naturally not wishing to cause further unnecessary offence I wolfed the food down eagerly and restrained myself from further comment, even though the sauce was a little too salty for my usual tastes. Anyway, the staff had been clearly amused by my faux pas and had gathered behind the door to the kitchen, each vying for space at the window to laugh at my embarrassment.
So happy were they to now be making amends for their recent poor show, I have been invited back next week for Brown Derby, homemade lemonade and sticky toffee pudding. They've even mentioned a special soup that all staff will apparently have a hand in preparing.
My question is this: do you think I should continue to take advantage of their bonhomie and conviviality, or should I now be satisfied that they've put enough of themselves into my mealtime experience and politely decline?
I agree with 'SW' and many others here.
This thread has been a breath of fresh air to our forum, not to mention a bloody good laugh ..................... well done Swords, you played a straight bat to the boundary for four.
Aussie, I have just seen your signature. "We're Up ! Get Used To It ...................... And Don't Look Back!"
I assume that you were one who took Sword's advice.
dear swords
I want to buy a personalised number plate for my car
but
my missus reckons only ****ers buy those
do I need to get myself a new wife
or is she right
I want to buy a personalised number plate for my car
but
my missus reckons only ****ers buy those
do I need to get myself a new wife
or is she right