Off Topic New Reality TV formats.....

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Homes under the hammer

Documentary following West Ham legend Alvin Martin in his new career as a roofer

I Know I'm copying you a bit, but I prefer Holmes Under The Hammer, the touching documentary of the courtship, marriage and honeymoon of those two lovebirds, Eamonn Holmes and Sir Trevor Brooking...
 
Pride and Prejudice

A series contrasting two West London teams, QPR and Chelsea

Short Circuit

Adel Taarabt's guide to training, as seen through the eyes of his teammates

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

The Official FIFA World Cup 2022 film
 
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3 men and a goat - a trio of professional footballers go in search of a sexual partner who won't go running to the tabloids before they have pulled their trousers up
 
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Iron Man

Life after football in a backstreet Buenos Aires laundry, as seen through the eyes of Diego Maradona

Alvin and the Chipmunks

Nature programme starring ex-hammer, Alvin Martin

You've Got Mali

Fly On The Wall documentary at the draw for the next Africa Cup Of Nations
 
"Pimp my Bride" Celebrities who's earning power is on the wane are given £5,000 to cosmetically improve (or reverse the effects of previous cosmetic improvements) their spouses before launching them into the sex industry. All start on the streets of the red light district of Halifax and work their way up, the winner is the first to be given a penthouse overlooking the Thames and Roman Abramovitch's PIN number.

"Pimp my Bridegroom" Same format as above, except the start point is a Turkish prison. Winner is taken into Elton John's household as a florist. Any contact with Peter Mandleson leads to instant disqualification. Week one - Abbie Clancy prepares Peter Crouch for his new life.

"Pimp my Ex" Failed at the pilot stage when Cheryl Fernandez-Versini refused to bail Ashley Cole out of the Turkish prison, even after he had earned half a kilo of tobacco in 3 months.
 
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Top Of The Popes

JP II, Benedict or Francis - you decide (known as Vatican Idol in Italy)

Brush Strokes

A camera crew visits basil in the nursing home where he's recovering after multiple strokes and the continued fisting he got from Mr Roy...

Jeeves and Rooster

A new crime-fighting duo, the pair solve farmyard mysteries with the utmost decorum and sensitivity.

Never The Twain

Jonathan Ross journeys by bus, car and plane, but there's one mode of transport he's terrified of...

Fletch

The often difficult lives of dyslexic sex-offenders...
 
Actually there's loads of porn spoofs:

  • Shaving Ryan's Privates
  • Forrest Hump
  • Pulp Friction
  • A Clockwork Orgy
  • White Men Can't Hump
  • Sexorcist
  • Babewatch
  • Battlestar Orgasmica
  • Beverly Hills 9021-Ho
  • Missionary: Impossible
  • On Golden Blonde
  • Jurassic Pork
  • Girlz n the Hood
  • Throbbin' Hood
  • Hannah Does Her Sisters
  • King Dong
  • Lost in Penetration
  • Sperminator
  • Top Bum
  • Pokeahotass
  • Lust of the Mohicans
  • Schindler's Fist
  • Riding Miss Daisy
  • Good Will Humping
  • When Harry Ate Sally
  • The Rodfather
  • Ass Ventura
  • ET: The Extra-Testicle
  • Star Whores
  • A Few Hard Men
  • A Queer and Present Danger
  • Ally McFeel
  • Ball the President's Men
  • Big Trouble in Little Vagina
  • Charlie's Anals
  • Das Booty
  • Dawson's Crack
  • Enema of the State
  • Fatal Erection
  • Free Your Willy
  • I Know Who You Did Last Summer
  • Intercourse With a Vampire
  • In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon
  • Little Oral Annie
  • Lawrence of a Labia
  • Romeo in Juliet
  • The Bare Bitch Project
  • The Joy Suck Club
  • Thighs Wide Shut
  • Whore of the Rings
  • Who Reamed Roger Rabbit?
  • You've Got Tail
  • Edward Penishands
  • Sex Trek: Deep Throat Nine
  • Apollo 13 Inches
  • The Usual Sexpects
  • Sperms of Endearment
  • You've Got Male Genitalia
  • Add Momma to the Train
  • Purple Head of Cairo
 
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Actually there's loads of porn spoofs:

  • Shaving Ryan's Privates
  • Forrest Hump
  • Pulp Friction
  • A Clockwork Orgy
  • White Men Can't Hump
  • Sexorcist
  • Babewatch
  • Battlestar Orgasmica
  • Beverly Hills 9021-Ho
  • Missionary: Impossible
  • On Golden Blonde
  • Jurassic Pork
  • Girlz n the Hood
  • Throbbin' Hood
  • Hannah Does Her Sisters
  • King Dong
  • Lost in Penetration
  • Sperminator
  • Top Bum
  • Pokeahotass
  • Lust of the Mohicans
  • Schindler's Fist
  • Riding Miss Daisy
  • Good Will Humping
  • When Harry Ate Sally
  • The Rodfather
  • Ass Ventura
  • ET: The Extra-Testicle
  • Star Whores
  • A Few Hard Men
  • A Queer and Present Danger
  • Ally McFeel
  • Ball the President's Men
  • Big Trouble in Little Vagina
  • Charlie's Anals
  • Das Booty
  • Dawson's Crack
  • Enema of the State
  • Fatal Erection
  • Free Your Willy
  • I Know Who You Did Last Summer
  • Intercourse With a Vampire
  • In Diana Jones and the Temple of Poon
  • Little Oral Annie
  • Lawrence of a Labia
  • Romeo in Juliet
  • The Bare Bitch Project
  • The Joy Suck Club
  • Thighs Wide Shut
  • Whore of the Rings
  • Who Reamed Roger Rabbit?
  • You've Got Tail
  • Edward Penishands
  • Sex Trek: Deep Throat Nine
  • Apollo 13 Inches
  • The Usual Sexpects
  • Sperms of Endearment
  • You've Got Male Genitalia
  • Add Momma to the Train
  • Purple Head of Cairo

<laugh> <cheers>
 
"I've Got Wood" celebrities including David Beckham, Lulu and Will.i.Am track hobbit sized actor Elijah Wood through the wilderness of Cannock Chase. The one who catches him gets to keep him.
 
Wallace & Vomit ... Channel 5's cameras follow the 'human cueball' that is the Masterchef presenter Greg Wallace around the pubs of Glasgow city centre. He attempts to take on the Scots at drinking, the results of this will throw-up one or two unexpected surprises.
 
Say Hello To My Lidl Friend - ITV2's cameras track Al Pacino as he tries to upstage Peter Andre and his Iceland Christmas campaign.

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Lukaku's Talking - The Everton striker Romelu Lukaku is interviewed by Sir Trevor McDonald about his former life as a Belgian police informer.
 
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Celebrity Take Off - a load of tabloid also-rans attempt vertical take off. Marvel at the flapping, jumping and tom-foolery balloonery. Paul Hollywood provides the hot air.
 
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Raging Ball. Tommy Cannon pushes his old partner into a nettle bush and a gang of kids hurl fruit and taunts until Bobby goes cuckoo bananas.
 
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Fern an' des
- Tony Fernandes explains his irrational hatred of 'Kia' motors to Fern Cotton and Des O'Conner while sitting on comfy Air Asia sofas.

Bird on a wire
- Karen Brady cuts the half time budget at wet spam and does a sponsored tightrope walk across their new plastic stadium.

Fiddler on the roof
- Tony Fernandes learns how to play the Violin on the roof of the FA.

The lost boys
- A team of cameramen follow QPR's latest signings as they try to find their new training facilities and the inevitable reactions that follow when they do.

Weekend at Bernies
- We watch Bernie Eccelstone bribe and cheat his way from one courtroom to the next, while running late for the hairdresser.
 
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Shine on You Crazy Diamond - Offbeat documentary following Anne Diamond's attempt to transform herself into a Christmas tree, culminating in her trying to power the fairy lights using the world's first mains driven vibrator.

WARNING: May contain strobe lighting.
 
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