BoJo Selector - each week the camera follows Boris Johnson on his travels around the globe, spreading his embarrassing wiffle-waffle. The audience then get to select which country he gets to offend the following week - occassional guest appearances by Prince Phillip
Celebrity DIY real SOS The team are called in to do some building for a celebrity who doesn’t need it every week, accompanied by other celebrities who lack the skills to do the job. This week Nick Knowles is electrocuted as the cast of Casualty attempt to rewire Stephen Hawking’s recording studio. As they are also only pretend doctors they stand around helplessly while the emergency services are called. Meanwhile Billy the Sparks has accidentally nailed his head to a piece of breeze block. Will anyone notice?
The Celebrity Chase Fast Forward To save time seven witless celebrities are set loose on a piece of National Trust land and a pack of hungry Siberian Huskies released on them. Piers Morgan, Craig Revel Horwood, Katie Hopkins, Ainsley Harriott, John Humphrys, Paloma Faith and Claudia Winkelman play in week one. Survivors get to come back in week two. Fish Face Duel Pairs of celebrity chefs compete in a knockout competition, each pair speed eating improperly filleted fish. The one who doesn’t choke on a bone goes forward to the next round. The final pair form a team to try and stuff a 15lb largemouth bass down Rick Stein’s throat. Week One: Gordon Ramsey v Giorgio Locatelli. Week two Delia Smith v Nigel Slater (betting has been suspended on this match).
Art Attack The candy floss haired half of Simon and Garfunkel has gone rogue and will attempt to liberate all the animals from London Zoo unless a team of celebrities armed with tranquilliser guns, lead by Anneka Rice, can stop him.
The Mysterious ****ties of Gold Lloyd Grossman does the snooping as two teams of celebrities have to guess what's been on the menu in the West Ham owner's house based on the contents of his porcelain throne. Phillip Schofield hosts. Jilly Goolden and Lionel Blair are the regular team captains.
Celebrity ****stain: Following the success of previous shows featuring Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, Jeremy Kyle and Gordon Ramsay, the lineup for future shows will include Piers Morgan, Simon Cowell, Jeremy Kyle and Gordon Ramsay. Plans are unfolding for a ladies’ edition to be called Celebrity Panty-discharge, with guests expected to be Katie Hopkins, Dianne Abbott, Emily Thornberry and Little Mix.
Hearts of Darkness The ethical vacuum at the core of professional football is explored by amateur moral philosopher Chris Moyles and his mate ‘Tragi-Comedy’ Dave. Or something. They spend a week chatting in the pub and showing off with people loosely associated with the Scottish club, Heart of Midlothian.
Countdown... A numbers only special edition for politicians to cost their own version of a manifesto. Hosted by Diane Abbott...
Financial Fair Play! The arcane corporate legal drama continues. Returning to our screens after a three year break during which nothing happened, lovable cuddly Tony Fernandes continues to pretend that he didn’t understand the rules, and even if he did they weren’t fair anyway. The regulator now has legal backing to impose its swinging punishment. The story arc pans out over another 3 year appeal, during which nothing happens and the audience dwindles to zero.
Sale of the Century Hosted by Nicolas Parsons A van load of surplus players and equipment were obtained from an unknown address in W12 and are to be sold at a knock down price to in suspecting contestants who are trying to work out what they could do the tat........
The Great Potteries Throw Up Freddie Flintoff leads a celebrity pub crawl round Stoke. Johnny's Vegas provides expert analysis.
That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain heads to Loftus Road to see if QPR have had a lot of bang for their buck.
I recall years ago when a work colleague pointed out that this lady, actually still working in our organization, was a dead ringer for Shania Twain - what do you think? Now a few years have passed since that comment was made. please log in to view this image please log in to view this image
Have you met Shania Twain? Or perhaps Bryan Adams or Dan Akroyd. Canada’s a small country in terms of people after all, I’m sure you’re all round each others’ for coffee all the time.
