Jokes

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Women , so ungrateful , especially the wife ones. I’ve spent all our married life opening the car door for her , not a word of thanks — but first time I didn’t - there’s hell to pay .
But I was in a panic - and just swam for the surface
 
On our 35th wedding anniversary I gave my wife £3,000 as a gift,
"Wow" she said, "where did you get that?"
"I put a pound away every time I had sex for a surprise for you on a special day. "
"That's amazing, " she said, "I can't believe I did exactly the same thing, " as she gave me £5,000
 
My wife’s been complaining for hours about toothache. She’s been going on and on about the pain, and how much she’s afraid of the dentist.
I’d had enough, so I got a pair of pliers, stood on her forehead and yanked the f*cker out.
Let’s see how much moaning she can do without a tongue.