I went to see my doctor this morning. "How can I help you ?" she asked. "I found a lump while I was in the bath" I replied, pointing downwards. "Oh right" she said, "Take your trousers down for me." After having a good old feel of my bollocks, she said "I can't feel a lump." I said "It's on my toe."
The weather was brilliant yesterday, so l got out my 7-piece patio set. 1 chair & 6 cans of lager.....
One fine sunny morning, the irish priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool. "What's wrong with you?" said the irish priest. "Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog." "Really!" said the irish priest. "Can you explain!" "Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you." "That's an incredible story." said the irish priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?." "Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep I would wake up a boy once again." "Today's your lucky day!" said the irish priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The irish priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the irish priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed, "And that my lord is the case for the Defense....... "
