Jokes

An old man was in hospital. Lying in bed, he leaned over to the pretty young nurse attending to him and whispered in her ear
"Give us a kiss, luv!"

"No!", replied the nurse

"Oh go on!", said the man

"No!", replied the nurse again

"Please!", begged the old man, "Just a quick peck on the cheek?"

"For the last time, no!", said the nurse, "I shouldn't even be ****ing you off!"
 
While many complain about life in general and the cost of living etc, I am sitting on a sofa that costs £3,500, lovely and cool in front of an air-

con unit costing £2,300, watching the latest film on a 70" smart TV that costs £4,000

Right now, I'm happy, with no worries and not a care in the world, not even the employees at John Lewis, who keep asking me to leave can spoil my day