A neighbour is a keen amateur astronomer who bizarrely said he always takes a piece of beef into the bathroom, I asked 'what's all that about'...he replied that he likes a 'meatier shower '
It's a good job you are a friend of Roger, because when everyone else has gone to heaven, you'll have someone to talk to.
I've started to wear a balaclava to bed. If there's a break in the burglars will think I'm part of the team.
My wife bet I couldn't name all the utensils in our kitchen draw. I named 25 of the 26. Turns out I was just a whisker away
Just got off the phone to Gloria Gaynor. She was telling me about a near disastrous dinner party she held last night. She'd spent all day cooking and there were supposed to be six for dinner, but one person didn't turn up. I said: "Oh no Gloria, what did you do?" "At first I was afraid I was petrified But I knew how to get along I will serve five"
a mate of mine goes to a local s&m club, recently he said that he was up to his nutsack in the mistress when she turned round and said 'well are you not going to spank me' he realised he hadn't brought his usual toys and confessed that he was 'up **** creek without a paddle'
