Jokes

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Little Red Indian boy says to his dad "father how do we Indians get our names?"
Father replies " well son when the mother is giving birth the father stays in the teepee with her until the moment they baby is born then goes outside and names the child after the first scene of nature he sees, hence your brother Running Deer and your sister Rising Sun.
Why do you ask Two Dogs ****ing?
 
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Little polar bear goes to his dad and says
"Am I a polar bear?"
Dad says yes son
Are you sure I am not a black bear?
Yes son
What about a brown bear or maybe a panda with no black fur?
No son you are deffinitely a polar bear, why all these questions?
Because I'm ****ing freezing.
 
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Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed £30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her £30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Jack took the money.
 
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Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out.

"Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex."

Mom and dad shot up in bed.

"How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
 
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There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 6 minutes late.
On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round.
Following Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 6 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golf's left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 6 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed.
The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was.
They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be six minutes late.
You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?
George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy.
Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my Mrs. If she is sleeping On her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.''
''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?''
George replies, ''Then I am 6 minutes late
 
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now and then i have tried on a few items of clothing from a local oxfam shop but they never seem to look right,hang right, or are way overpriced...however they always seem to fit at the epilepsy shop
 
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