I was walking along this narrow mountain pass - so narrow that nobody else could pass you, when I saw a beautiful blonde walking towards me. A beautiful blonde with not a stitch on, I didn't know whether to toss myself off or block her passage.
When a young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all on his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, “Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.” He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, “What would you say is my best feature?” Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, “It’s has to be your ears.” Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, “My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin — not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?” Clearing his throat, he stammered... “Outside, when you said you heard someone coming... that was me.”
A woman was breast feeding her baby, when she noticed the window cleaner watching her.Indignantly, she said, "what do you think you"re staring at?"He replied, apologetically, "when I was a baby, I was bottle fed so I was just fascinated."The woman says, "well, baby"s had enough but there"s some left if you want to find out what it"s like."The window cleaner climbed in through the window and started to feed.After a short time, the woman realised that she was becoming aroused and she asked, "would you like a little bit of some thing else?"He replied, "have you got a rusk?"
Not one to brag but after picking a chick up at the local club we went back to hers and after doing the business she said ' you are definitely the biggest I've had' I said 'ditto'
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman." The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"
