Jokes

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I phoned the radio station today. The presenter answered and said,

“Congratulations . . . . you are our first caller, and all that you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize"

"That fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

"Feeling confident ?" The presenter asked "It’s a maths question."

"Well, I've got a degree in maths" I proudly replied, "and I teach it at Leeds uni."

"Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats at a Scum game and to meet the team after the match, what is 2+2 ?"

"7" I replied
 
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In deference to The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as ...."English Weather."

Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather.' In other words - 'partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.....
 
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A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
"We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
"She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa.
 
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Makemstine Roger said:
In deference to The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as ...."English Weather."

Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather.' In other words - 'partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.....
Click to expand...
That axe is like the sword of Damocles hanging over you, Roger. One day...one day.....<laugh><laugh>
 
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Went to a national trust castle site where a big historical battle took place where they laid seige to the place I wondered on the way out why they hadn't just entered through the gift shop!
 
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