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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

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  1. wakeybreakyheart

    wakeybreakyheart Well-Known Member

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    Screenshot_20220302_150054_com.facebook.katana.jpg
     
    #4601
    wakeybreakyheart, Mar 2, 2022
    Aski and Makemstine Roger like this.
  2. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I phoned the radio station today. The presenter answered and said,

    “Congratulations . . . . you are our first caller, and all that you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our grand prize"

    "That fantastic!" I shouted in delight.

    "Feeling confident ?" The presenter asked "It’s a maths question."

    "Well, I've got a degree in maths" I proudly replied, "and I teach it at Leeds uni."

    "Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 front row seats at a Scum game and to meet the team after the match, what is 2+2 ?"

    "7" I replied
     
    #4602
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 2, 2022
    Brizzlewhite, Ringo Lion, oldschool and 3 others like this.
  3. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image
     
    #4603
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 2, 2022
    Brizzlewhite, Diego, brisbane-lion and 6 others like this.
  4. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
    Forum Moderator

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    upload_2022-3-2_20-33-25.png
     
    #4604
    Gordon Armstrong, Mar 2, 2022
    Eric Le Merde likes this.
  5. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    There's a scaffold and an axe with your name on it somewhere, Roger.
     
    #4605
    brisbane-lion, Mar 2, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    yep and a written decree to lob your baldy one off first<laugh><laugh> next ....i love my job
     
    #4606
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 2, 2022
  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    please log in to view this image



    oops
     
    #4607
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 2, 2022
    FORZA LEEDS and Eric Le Merde like this.
  8. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    8/10 for the forward flip, 6/10 for the landing but I'm afraid only 3/10 for artistic interpretation.
     
    #4608
    Eric Le Merde, Mar 3, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  9. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    <laugh><laugh><applause><applause>:emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #4609
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 3, 2022
    Eric Le Merde likes this.
  10. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    In deference to The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as ...."English Weather."

    Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather.' In other words - 'partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite.....
     
    #4610
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 3, 2022
    FORZA LEEDS, brisbane-lion and 2 pennth like this.

  11. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    A couple, both age 78, went to an NHS sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
    The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"
    The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
    When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them £50.
    This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
    Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
    "We're not trying to find out anything," the husband replied.
    "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges £90. The Hilton charges £108. We do it here for £50...and I get £43 back from Bupa.
     
    #4611
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 3, 2022
    Diego, **Hector **, FORZA LEEDS and 2 others like this.
  12. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    That axe is like the sword of Damocles hanging over you, Roger. One day...one day.....<laugh><laugh>
     
    #4612
    brisbane-lion, Mar 3, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  13. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    it was handed to me by god to go forth and smite all the woketards who interfere with normal people brissy mate<whistle>
     
    #4613
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 3, 2022
    Diego likes this.
  14. oldschool

    oldschool Well-Known Member

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    Went to a national trust castle site where a big historical battle took place where they laid seige to the place I wondered on the way out why they hadn't just entered through the gift shop!
     
    #4614
    oldschool, Mar 3, 2022
    Diego and Makemstine Roger like this.
  15. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    Police today confirmed the man who fell off a nightclub roof in Leeds on Saturday, wasn't a bouncer
     
    #4615
    Gessa, Mar 3, 2022
    2 pennth and Makemstine Roger like this.
  16. **Hector **

    **Hector ** Well-Known Member

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    I've pressed "bleat to mod" button for that one Ges!!!!!
     
    #4616
    **Hector **, Mar 3, 2022
    Gessa and Makemstine Roger like this.
  17. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    :p
     
    #4617
    Gessa, Mar 3, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  18. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    4922BE12-7E47-450F-AEC8-38C48E3B4E6D.thumb.jpeg.363531df981d86ab47c0526e27a9b005.jpeg
     
    #4618
    Gessa, Mar 3, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  19. Gessa

    Gessa Well-Known Member

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    YoSbxX.jpg
     
    #4619
    Last edited: Mar 3, 2022
    Gessa, Mar 3, 2022
    Makemstine Roger likes this.
  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good
    players are really hard to find.
     
    #4620
    Makemstine Roger, Mar 4, 2022
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