Was it before or after your 'attention' that he looked funny?
Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
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after mate here in Germany the government is too soft with these Pervy ****s they hang around parks, they pester blokes in bars, loads get scudded for being nasty little pervs, in my day you had queers puffs peados and weirdos, who kept themselves to themselves, why have i got to pretend that i agree with them as it may hurt their feeling there are 2 sexes male and female, anything else is an abnormality, even the word means its not normal,Was it before or after your 'attention' that he looked funny?
VOTED BEST JOKE IN IRELAND
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.
He said it was the most violent book he's ever read.
brisbane-lion
Well-Known Member
Young girl goes to church. Sat in the confessional she says to the priest "I'm pregnant". "Oh", says the priest, "That's not very good, is it?" "Oh, it's OK' she says, 'It's the second coming." "The second coming', says the priest. ' how do you figure that?" "Well, I swallowed the first one".
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brisbane-lion
Well-Known Member
I think these all hilarious, except #9 with which I agree entirely. (The goat bit sounds interesting, too)
Husband: What do you want for your birthday, dear?
Wife: I'd better not say.....
Husband: C'mon, what do you want? A diamond ring?
Wife: You know I don't care for diamond
Husband: How about a mink coat?
Wife: I already have one.
Husband: Fine then, what do you want?
Wife: What I really want is a divorce.
Husband: Oh! I wasn't planning on spending that much.
Wife: I'd better not say.....
Husband: C'mon, what do you want? A diamond ring?
Wife: You know I don't care for diamond
Husband: How about a mink coat?
Wife: I already have one.
Husband: Fine then, what do you want?
Wife: What I really want is a divorce.
Husband: Oh! I wasn't planning on spending that much.
The missus just phoned me and the conversation went like this!..
Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Wind it forward one hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."
Me: "Right, I've done that"
Her: "Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion!"
Me: "I can see that, yeah."
Her: "Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!"
Me: Okay, I see them."
Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there's a gladiator holding a spear."
Me: "Yes! I can see him!"
Her: Right..! Those are the Sandals I want for my birthday
Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you?"
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "Wind it forward one hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."
Me: "Right, I've done that"
Her: "Okay, you see the gladiator at the front fighting the lion!"
Me: "I can see that, yeah."
Her: "Just behind him, there are two gladiators having a sword fight with each other!"
Me: Okay, I see them."
Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the screen, there's a gladiator holding a spear."
Me: "Yes! I can see him!"
Her: Right..! Those are the Sandals I want for my birthday
brisbane-lion
Well-Known Member
How do you know if you're old? Fall down in front of a lot of people, if they laugh you're young, if they all rush over to help you, you're old. Simples!