Jokes

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Kier Stammer and Diane Abbott were holidaying in a Welsh village. One morning they were out walking Kiers dog, and decide to go to a nearby pub for a pint. Twenty minutes later a guy walks up to them, lifts the dog's tail up, then walks out.
A few minutes later, a woman walks into the pub, goes straight up to Kier and Diane, lifts the dog's tail up and walks out.
Kier and Diane look at each other a little bemused.
A few minutes later, yet another woman walks in and again lifts up the dog's tail, an turns to walk out.
" Excuse me", said Kier, "you're the third person to walk in and do that, what's it all about?"
" Oh! It's nothing really" said the woman, but somebody's put it around the village that there's a dog in the pub with two arseholes "!
 
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A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly the recently married couple's house. She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."
The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered, put on her best perfume and expectantly waited for her husband, lying provocatively on the couch.
Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her naked on the couch.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my love dress," she replied.
"Needs ironing," he says" "What's for dinner?"
 
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