Jokes

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i see the skunks got hammered today by united, so i'm putting down 6 points in the bag for you this season, you have too much skill for them ****ers and besides have you ever walked behind a skunk with his barcode top on, the gravy stains are always on the back i wonder why<whistle><laugh><laugh>
 
This is a story to inspire you to reach for your dreams and never ever give up ...
Many years ago my mate's missus came a close second in the Miss England 1997 competition. Later that year she was beset by a long period of bad luck. She suffered years of drug and alcohol abuse and a series of eating disorders. She lost a leg and needed facial reconstruction surgery after a road traffic accident. Later, she suffered 90% burns in an unprovoked acid attack. Several of her teeth were knocked out and an eye gouged in a fight outside a KFC Chicken Take Away. The stress caused severe hair loss and facial warts.
But she never stopped believing.
And then finally, last month, she was crowned Miss Scotland 2020
 
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Makemstine Roger said:
This is a story to inspire you to reach for your dreams and never ever give up ...
Many years ago my mate's missus came a close second in the Miss England 1997 competition. Later that year she was beset by a long period of bad luck. She suffered years of drug and alcohol abuse and a series of eating disorders. She lost a leg and needed facial reconstruction surgery after a road traffic accident. Later, she suffered 90% burns in an unprovoked acid attack. Several of her teeth were knocked out and an eye gouged in a fight outside a KFC Chicken Take Away. The stress caused severe hair loss and facial warts.
But she never stopped believing.
And then finally, last month, she was crowned Miss Scotland 2020
Click to expand...
Bloody rude,Mak, but still quite funny. Bet she was kranky after all that.
 
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Mark finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his motorcycles for an upcoming show. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your bikes along with your boat."
Mark got this horrified look on his face.
She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"
Mark said, "For a minute there, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"EX-WIFE!", she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"
Mark replied, "I wasn't."
 
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after a night on the piss i woke up to a big fat bird lying next to me she was farting and stinking then it occured to me i hope that's a tea bag in my mouth ...yuk.
 
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