a scouser phones the job centre and says, "i need to get a job i've been on the dole ages"...j.c. says "well luckily a position has just come in it's at spearmint rhino the duties include helping the girls change costumes,helping with showering,rubbing baby oil in etc it includes free membership, all meals and it's £700 per week"...the scouser replied "bloody hell, are you bullshitting me"....j.c replied "well you started it"
I was having a quiet beer one evening when a guy comes up to me obviously intent on having a fight. I made it clear that I wasn't interested but he persisted. I called over the bouncer and told him what was happening. I said "I'm not interested in fighting, I used to be a professional boxer, twenty bouts, twenty knock outs." "OK" says the bouncer and throws the other guy out. Bouncer comes back to me and says "Pro boxer,eh?, why did you give it up?" I said I was tired of being knocked out every time.