Jokes

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Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.” Blow that" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
 
Some bloke walked up to the counter today and said, "Burger and Fries please."

"Certainly sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"

"**** off you prick," he snapped, before walking off with his food.

I ****ing love working in the prison canteen
 
Two chinese gangsters are planning to break into a Scottish distillery. One says to the other.. Is it whiskey.? .yes. Replies the other... But not as whiskey as a bank wobbery..!
 
I saw a teenage girl busking today. She had a great voice, and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing.
"Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd.
"Your thong," I replied with a wink.
Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.
It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.
 
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