I'm learning how to become a more sensitive lover. I bought a DVD called, "How to improve your foreplay technique." It was really good. I had to fast forward through the boring bit at the beginning obviously..
If your future self doesn't show up the instant you get the idea to build a time machine and show you how to build it, it's a pipe dream, man. Give it up.
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise.. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him. 'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked 'How does that feel'? Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!
If I ever win the lottery the first thing I'm going to buy myself is a pot to piss in. I've always wanted one of those.
My date couldn't have looked more upset during dinner. Which was slightly ironic as she munched her way through her happy meal.
