Off Topic Jokes thread

Went to a Stevie Wonder concert last night and he invited the audience to shout out requests.
A little Japanese chap next to me shouted " Stevie play jazz chord "
Stevie Wonder replied " I don't know jazz chord, it's not one of mine "
The Japanese fella shouted back " you do, you do...I'll sing some for you...." I jazz chord to say I ruv you "
 
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Two guys met quite by accident in a department store, both were having a break, from the awful stress of shopping with their wives, at one of the small coffee bars in the store. One said, "You know, I think I've lost the missus, haven't seen her for over an hour." The other fellow replied "That's funny, mine's been gone too, for well over an hour, guess we'd better do something about it?". So the first guy suggested they work together to look for them but before doing so they should both know what the other's wife looked like. The second fellow said "Well, mine is quite tall, slim, long blonde hair, shapely bum, lovely legs, superb boobs, a really beautiful woman, so what does yours look like?"

The first man replied, "That doesn't matter, let's start looking for yours right away!"
 
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a car mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

The instructor said "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust, which I've never seen done in my entire career."
 
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