Things that I Have Learnt From Reading The Sun- For every four birthdays you have, a Page 3 girl only has one. It"s like the Leap Year of tits.- If you are featured in the Problem Page photo story (continues tomorrow), chances are you are an attractive woman, who accidentally lezzes her equally attractive friend, and is left confused by her feelings.- People who clearly have never read a book, or anything other than The Sun, in their lives, turn out to be quite prolific letter writers.- It"s okay to be a little bit racist. As long as you pretend to hate people for being asylum seekers, and not just because they are black.- There is no problem on the political landscape that cannot be tackled by sending a big red bus and two girls who like to take their tits out in public.- If you are unsure what to think about anything, there is a column on the left hand side of Page Six everyday that will do your thinking for you.- When a Princess dies, you get no tits on page three for about two weeks. It"s what she would have wanted.- All Muslims are mental, and want to kill you. Moderate Muslims only moderately want to kill you. but they still want to kill you.- If 30,000 people die in a foreign country, it can only make the front page if some (usually about three) "Britons" are also killed. Otherwise it"s just some more dead brown people, and there"s plenty more where they came from.
A man visits the doctor. Patient: 'Doctor, what a small office you have!' Doctor: 'Go away, I'm taking a dump!'
The Irish potato famine 1845. The potato crop failed and approximately one million people starved to death. Ireland, a small island surround by sea. I mean, for fcuk"s sake, did none of the stupid twats think of going fishing?
A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work... Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke... Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish"... The man then asks, "What happens when it's over and I don't want to continue"...? The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234' and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year"... The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers... That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised... His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for"...?
I can't believe my wife just told me I'm old fashioned...... And with her ankles showing ......the strumpet.......
