Off Topic Jokes thread
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There were three nuns who wanted to leave the convent, so the Mother Superior called them in one after the other to ask them why. Mother Superior to the first one, "Sister Anna, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well Reverend Mother, I have decided to do something useful with my life and am going to become a teacher in Africa so that I can help the children to have better lives." "That is a good calling," says the Mother Superior, "you have my blessing." Please send in Sister Mary.
"Sister Mary, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well Reverend Mother, I have decided I would like to become a nurse in Africa to help the people get better from their illnesses," "That is a good calling," says the Mother Superior, "you have my blessing." Please send in Sister Susan.
"Sister Susan, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well, Reverend Mother, I have decided to become a prostitute." The Mother Superior faints, and when she comes around a few minutes later she exclaims, "What did you say you want to become?!!!!" "I want to become a prostitute Reverend Mother," says Sister Susan.
"Oh thank God for that!" exclaims the Mother Superior, "I thought you said a Protestant!"
"Sister Mary, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well Reverend Mother, I have decided I would like to become a nurse in Africa to help the people get better from their illnesses," "That is a good calling," says the Mother Superior, "you have my blessing." Please send in Sister Susan.
"Sister Susan, I was very disappointed to hear that you want to leave us, can you tell me why?" "Well, Reverend Mother, I have decided to become a prostitute." The Mother Superior faints, and when she comes around a few minutes later she exclaims, "What did you say you want to become?!!!!" "I want to become a prostitute Reverend Mother," says Sister Susan.
"Oh thank God for that!" exclaims the Mother Superior, "I thought you said a Protestant!"
Went to the doctors with hearing problems.
He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"
He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"
I can remember my first day at school. The teacher looked at me during register and asked, "Are you chewing?"
I said, "No, Chew Wing is probably one of the Asian kids, my name is Simon!"
I said, "No, Chew Wing is probably one of the Asian kids, my name is Simon!"
Steven Gerrard is favourite for the Glasgow Rangers manager job.
A Rangers spokesman said, "We are looking for someone with previous experience at stopping Brendan Rodgers winning the league."
A Rangers spokesman said, "We are looking for someone with previous experience at stopping Brendan Rodgers winning the league."
Have YOU had to walk 500 miles?
Were you advised to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation.
Call the Pro Claimers NOW.
Were you advised to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation.
Call the Pro Claimers NOW.
I went through an expensive and painful procedure yesterday, having had my spine and both testicles removed.
Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
Still, some of the wedding presents were fantastic.
“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
“I’ve had it with your silly remarks about my weight. I’m leaving you!”
“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”
“But honey, what about our child?”
“What child?!”
“Oh, so you’re not pregnant?”