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A bloke goes in to work and finds his colleague sitting at his desk, chuckling and shaking his head.
On asking, "what"s up?" his work mate says,
"Well, I had this really embarrassing Freudian slip this morning!"
The bloke asks what a Freudian slip is and his pal explains that it"s when you mean to say something but what you actually say is what you"re thinking.
He then gives his example: -"I was queueing at the train station ticket office and couldn"t help but notice that the girl behind the counter has a massive pair of hooters. They were real eye magnets! When I got to the window, instead of asking for a ticket to Tooting I asked her for a ticket to TITTING.
She blushed, I blushed, I got my ticket and scarpered".
The bloke laughs and says "Oh, I see. That"s funny!".
The following day, the other bloke is sitting at his desk laughing to himself when his workmate walks in and asks, "what"s so funny?"
The bloke replies, "I had one of your Freudian slips this morning. I was sitting at the breakfast table with the missus and I meant to say "pass the marmalade" but what I actually said was "F*CK OFF, YOU FAT BITCH, YOU"VE RUINED MY LIFE!"
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings'. Apparently Gollum was once a normal man. But wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life.
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married.