Off Topic Jokes thread

• A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother,
• "Is it true what Rita just told me?
• Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"
• "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn"t have to explain it to her daughter.
• "But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered,
• "Won"t it knock all my teeth out?"

 

• I worked as a stand up comedian in a old peoples home once........
• None of them understood my jokes but they still pissed themselves

 

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• There was a gay in the pub last night, moaning about how he"s the victim of stereotyping.
• "It"s so unfair," he whined. "Every time I go to the Jobcentre, they tell me they"ll call me if a vacancy comes in for a hairdresser or an interior designer or a flight attendant.
• Well, I could work in an industrial job just as well as any other man!"
• I interrupted him and said, "You should get yourself down to the confectionery factory on the industrial estate, mate. I saw an ad that said they"re looking for someone to work in the loading and distribution department."
• "Really?" he said.
• I said, "Yep. The ad says; "Fudge Packer Required"."

 

• A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.
• The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way.
• The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father."
• The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn"t wear his collar like that."
• The priest looked up from his book and answered "I am the Father of many."
• The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn"t wear his collar that way."
• The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.
• The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
• "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

 

• A lad comes home from school and asks, "Dad, what"s a twat?"
• His Dad slaps him and tells him not to be so rude, but the lad begs him as his mates are all taking the piss out of him for not knowing.
• Feeling sorry for him, the dad looks down and says, "follow me son."
• They walk into the bathroom where the wife is in the bath.
• "You see that black hairy thing in between your mothers legs, son?"
• "Yes, Dad," the lad replies.
• "Well that"s a fanny, the rest of her"s a twat"

 

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