Off Topic Jokes thread

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  • What are the top rejected children's book titles?
  • 1. Daddy drinks because you cry
  • 2. Garfield gets feline leukemia
  • 3. What is that dog doing to that other dog?
  • 4. . You were a mistake
  • 5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her
  • 6. The Children"s Guide to Hitchhiking
  • 7 Dad"s New Wife John
  • 8. POP! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games
  • 9. 101 Fun games to Play in the Road
  • 10. Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
  • 11. The Little Golden Book of Electrical Wiring
  • 12. Creatures Under The Bed: A Bedtime Story
  • 13. Making Grown-Up Friends On The Internet
  • 14The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
  • 15 I Dare You! 101 Challenges To Prove You're Not A Sissy
 
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  • I bought a bird feeder.
  • I hung it on my back porch and filled it lovingly with seed. It was indeed a beautiful bird feeder.
  • Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.
  • But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table and next to the barbecue.
  • Then came the bird s*it. It was everywhere; on the patio tile, the chairs, the table... everywhere!Then some of the birds turned mean.
  • They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud.
  • They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.
  • After a while, I couldn"t even sit on my own back porch anymore. So took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.
  • I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.
  • Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.
  • Now let"s see....Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.
  • Then the illegal's came by the millions. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 or more families;
  • You have to wait 6 hours to be seen by a doctor in an emergency room because it is filled with illegals;
  • Your child"s 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn"t speak English.
  • Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box;
  • I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "The Union Jack" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.
  • It's just my opinion but: Maybe, just maybe, it"s time for the government to take down the damn bird feeder.
 
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