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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    We're so skint after Christmas that I've had to get my wife to sell one of her kidneys.

    If things get any worse I might have to cancel Sky Sports.
     
    #4281
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 5, 2018
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My bed is calling........

    please log in to view this image
     
    #4282
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 5, 2018
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  3. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    Are you Arab?
    Sick of been treated as a terrorist?
    I have a solution for you, buy a f*cking transparent Rucksack
     
    #4283
    antipodean exile, Jan 6, 2018
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  4. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.
    When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
    The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
    A month later, the musician went to a porno theater to see it.
    With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
    The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
    After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I"m only here to listen to the music."
    "Yeah?" replied the man. "We"re only here to see our dog."
     
    #4284
    antipodean exile, Jan 6, 2018
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  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4285
    antipodean exile, Jan 6, 2018
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4286
    antipodean exile, Jan 6, 2018
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4287
    antipodean exile, Jan 6, 2018
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4288
    antipodean exile, Jan 6, 2018
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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4289
    antipodean exile, Jan 6, 2018
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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    When Les Reed discovers Liverpool have 140mill to spend
     
    #4290
    antipodean exile, Jan 7, 2018
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4291
    antipodean exile, Jan 7, 2018
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  12. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking.

    He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues cheered.
     
    #4292
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 7, 2018
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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Today I celebrate 18 months of being dry.

    It hasn't been easy at times and I've got to say a big thanks to my umbrella for helping me through the hard times.
     
    #4293
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 7, 2018
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4294
    antipodean exile, Jan 8, 2018
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4295
    antipodean exile, Jan 8, 2018
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4296
    antipodean exile, Jan 8, 2018
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4297
    antipodean exile, Jan 8, 2018
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4298
    antipodean exile, Jan 8, 2018
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4299
    antipodean exile, Jan 8, 2018
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #4300
    antipodean exile, Jan 8, 2018
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