We're so skint after Christmas that I've had to get my wife to sell one of her kidneys.
If things get any worse I might have to cancel Sky Sports.
If things get any worse I might have to cancel Sky Sports.
Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
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My bed is calling........
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Are you Arab?
Sick of been treated as a terrorist?
I have a solution for you, buy a f*cking transparent Rucksack
Sick of been treated as a terrorist?
I have a solution for you, buy a f*cking transparent Rucksack
A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie.
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theater to see it.
With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I"m only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We"re only here to see our dog."
When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture.
The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theater to see it.
With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I"m only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We"re only here to see our dog."
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When Les Reed discovers Liverpool have 140mill to spend
Sad news from the Nestlé factory today. A worker was crushed beneath a case of chocolate that fell 20 feet off the storage racking.
He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues cheered.
He called for help repeatedly but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" his colleagues cheered.
Today I celebrate 18 months of being dry.
It hasn't been easy at times and I've got to say a big thanks to my umbrella for helping me through the hard times.
It hasn't been easy at times and I've got to say a big thanks to my umbrella for helping me through the hard times.