I travel around fairgrounds and tell the owners when their coconut stalls are getting too old. I'm the shy retiring type.
Never mind the George Foreman grill. Just bought the new Amir Khan toaster. Unfortunately,it only does one round.
As I waited to be taken down to start my prison term, I was allowed a final minute with my wife. I said "Listen Jo, prison is a horrible place that changes people for the worse, and when I come out I doubt I'll be the same man you know and love. For that reason, I don't expect you to wait for me, so get on with your life and try and meet someone else who can hopefully be a father to our children. Most of all though, just stay strong and be happy." "Stay strong?" my wife snapped, "You're only doing a week for an unpaid parking ticket, you fu*king twat!"
A 73-yr-old woman is in court for streaking at the Chelsea Flower show. She was let off with a caution but was awarded 1st prize for best dried bush arrangement......
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom ? ...... a pickpocket snatches watches.
Nintendo have brought out a new game; where a 10 year old boy runs around the streets of Glasgow smashing up cars, stabbing people and robbing houses It's called "Wii bastard."
