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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

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  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #8741
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #8742
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #8743
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to my Scottish mate, “I'm stuck on one, trapped on a desert island, eight letters, starting with M.”

    He said, “Marooned.”

    I said, “Thanks, I'll have a pint of lager then!”
     
    #8744
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  5. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #8745
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  6. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #8746
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    I couldn't undo the buttons on my jumper, so I tried pulling it over my head but got it stuck.

    I'm in A & E now, waiting to see a cardyologist.
     
    #8747
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    Think about it.....

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    #8748
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  9. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #8749
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  10. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member Staff Member

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    #8750
    Wooperts_duck, Jan 11, 2019
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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • A half Jewish, half black Kid asks his Mom"Mom, am I mostly Jewish or mostly black?"
    • "That"s a dumb question" she replies "Go bother your Dad, already"
    • Off he goes - "Dad, would you say I"m mostly Jewish or mostly black?"
    • "You"re just you, son, why are you asking dumb-ass questions like that?"
    • "Well, my friend"s selling his bike for 50 bucks and I don"t know whether to Jew him down to 25 or just wait until dark and steal the fcuker"
     
    #8751
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I still say that Jill Dando was killed by a lesbian....
    • Obviously by someone she fingered on Crimewatch.
     
    #8752
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    How can you tell when you are flying over Scotland?
    The toilet paper on the washing lines.
     
    #8753
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  14. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8754
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8755
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  16. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8756
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8757
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  18. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8758
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  19. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8759
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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  20. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    #8760
    antipodean exile, Jan 11, 2019
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