We were so poor growing up that Ker-Plunk was just a game to see who had the loudest s*it when it dropped into the toilet.
When I was growing up in the 1970's it was perfectly acceptable for a teenage boy to fiddle with a tranny under the bedsheets at night.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull out the pin and throw it back. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like fcuk she has a grenade in her hand.
A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that"s a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.
A woman walks into a gynecologist"s office for an exam. She gets on the stirrups and the doctor says, "You have a really huge pussy. You have a really huge pussy." The woman replies, "You didn"t have to say it twice." The doctor says, "I didn"t."
I heard about this guy who broke into a lion"s den at the zoo and got mauled. And people were talking about how there should have been better defences put up to prevent people getting into the cage.. A friend of mine suggested setting up some kind of deterrent. For example, putting some sort of fierce animal in the cage, which would attack anybody who climbed in.
What is the difference between Liverpool and a jar of flowers? You can see a jar of flowers on top of a table. I really need to move on
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked,"What"s the matter?" He said,"I heard the nurse say, "It"s a very simple operation, don"t worry, I"m sure it will be all right." "She was just trying to comfort you, what"s so frightening about that?" "She was talking to the doctor!"
"They"re not wrinkles...just laughter lines," said my girlfriend. That"s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about my bolloc*s!
A man rang up an incontinence help line. The woman at the call centre picked up and said, "hello, this is the incontinence helpline, how can I help?" So the man replied, "well, I"ve developed an incontinence problem, is all the information I give you confidential?" The woman replies, "yes of course it is. Now can you tell me where you"re ringing from?" The man replies, "the waist down."
