An elderly gentleman goes for a check-up. After his exam the doctor said to the to the old fella, "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?" "In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have it with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly." After examining the old man's elderly wife, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?" The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. But the doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time Do you know why?" "Oh that crazy old bastard, she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in August, and the second time is in January...".
Lots of tears today. Crying about shoes hurting, clinging to my leg at the school gate. Not sure why my wife trained as a teacher!
"Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife. "No," I said. She gave me a sexy little smile,slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note. Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked. "No," I said. She gave me another sexy little smile,seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?" "No," I said, intrigued. "Well, go and take a quick look in the garage i borrowed your car."
A husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt! The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little cloud appeared when he shook them out he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?' She replied 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow"
