I went to the doctor today to talk about contraception. She said "You could try French letters". I said "What"s that?" She said "Condoms" I said "I don"t like them". So she said "You should try the French Army method then". I said "What"s that?" She said "You pull out before you get into trouble!".
A Polish immigrant goes to Specsavers for an eye test. The optician shows him a board with the letters CZWIXNOSTACZ on it and says, "Can you read that?" "Read it," says the Pole, "I f*cking know the twat!"
Researchers have shown that excessive masturbation can cause dyslexia. Hwoerve tihs is olyn in etxreem caess of slef aubse.
I"m having some problems with my new Staffordshire Bull Terrier- I rang the vet for some advice. I explained he was brown, stupid, aggressive and liable to attack anyone for no good reason. The vet replied " Muzzle "im? " No, I said- I think he"s an atheist.
I was walking through a Saudi Arabian market and I saw a guy getting his hand stitched back on. I said "Oh I see you won your appeal"!!!!
Did you know, that if all the cars in England were lined end to end....it would probably be Bank Holiday Monday.
I know this is a jokes thread but if you don't find the following stimulating then that is a joke in itself.......... please log in to view this image
A Scouse girl goes to the dole office to register for child benefit "How many children?" asks the welfare officer. "Ten" replies the Scouse girl. "Ten?" says the welfare worker. "What are their names?" "Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan and Nathan" she says. "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Scouse girl, "It's great because if they're out playing in the street I just have to shout 'Nathan yer dinner's ready!' or 'Nathan go to bed now!' and they all do it" "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the curious welfare worker. "That's easy," says the Scouse girl. "I just use their surnames."
