Jack and Jill went up the hill, so Jack could lick Jill's fanny. Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock, coz Jill was a fcukin' tranny!
In the same week that Uber lose their licence to trade in London, Ryanair announce they're taking on 125 new pilots. Worrying?
Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce. Please go to the pet shop and buy a mesh and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag. Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.
I took the wife to a disco last night. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it large, breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. My wife turned to me and said, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." I said, "Looks like he's still f*cking celebrating!"
Apparently Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac once turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner. She didn't want to be known as Stevie Shatner-Nicks.........
I've learnt a life lesson today. Next time I walk into the house and see my wife crying, I'm not going to say, "Is it because of your new haircut?"
I like that there's more coverage of women's football on TV these days. Do you know what the highest paid woman in women's football makes? Sandwiches.
