Father and young son go to a horse auction. The young son watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump and chest. After a few minutes the son asks “Dad, why are you doing that?” His father replied “Because when I’m buying horses I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.” The son, slightly worried said “Dad, I think the postman wants to buy mum.”
My wife is sleeping in the spare bedroom because she said she has had enough of my night time Elvis impersonations. I knocked on her door at 3am and said... "Are You Lonesome Tonight?"
Did you know that there's a government department that looks after railings. It's called the ministry of de fence....
During the war, my grandfather served as the regimental Christmas tree. He didn’t see any action but he was highly decorated!
Well, just got my first Christmas card through the door today, and it was filled with rice. That’s when I knew it was from Uncle Ben!
