I was at a funeral today and I asked the priest for the WiFi password. "Have some respect for the dead!" He said. "Ok," I replied. "Is that all lowercase without spaces?"
The doctor put my wife on a new pill and now we have sex every night. It's brilliant... It doesn't matter which position we are in, nothing wakes her up!
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.. As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name. ... In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?" All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.' The room erupted in applause !!!!!!
Real Madrid are reportedly interested in signing Spurs full back Destiny Udogie in January. They asked chairman Daniel Levy, 'How much is Udogie in the window'?
An American, an Englishman and a Scotsman are eating breakfast with their wives... The American says to his wife: "Please pass me the honey, honey" Then the Englishman requests: "Please pass me the sugar, sugar," to his wife. The Scotsman thinks for a second, then bickers "Pass me the milk, ya cow!"
Three virgin sisters were all getting married within a short time period. Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started and made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on their first impressions of marital sex. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe". Puzzled at first, Mum went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Great from beginning to end". Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from the Maldives a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans". Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes to read from the pack: "Super strong King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl departed for her honeymoon in New Zealand. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. A month passed; still nothing. A card finally arrived from Auckland on which was written with shaky hand, "Air New Zealand ". Mum took out her latest travel magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ 'Ten times a day, seven days a week, in all directions.'
