1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    Deaf couple get married and during the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights (because they can't see each other using sign language).
    After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the Wife proposes a solution.
    "Honey." She signs. "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left Breast one time.
    If you don't want to have Sex, reach over and squeeze my right Breast one time."
    The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his Wife. "Great idea! Now if you want to have Sex with me, reach over and pull on my Penis one time. And if you don't want to have Sex, reach over and pull on my Penis fifty times."
     
    #32741
    antipodean exile likes this.
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    Hecklers anonymous meeting tonight 7pm.

    Bring your own boos.
     
    #32742
    antipodean exile likes this.
  3. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    This morning, I coughed up a pawn, a bishop, and a rook.

    I must have a chess infection......
     
    #32743
    antipodean exile likes this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32744
    antipodean exile likes this.
  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32745
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32746
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32747
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32748
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32749
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32750
    Wooperts_duck likes this.

  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    Guys!! Tesco's has BIG black chickens on sale.
    To find which stores have stock, just Google "BBC Near me"


    please log in to view this image
     
    #32751
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32752
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  13. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    34,616
    Likes Received:
    33,835
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32753
    Wooperts_duck likes this.
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32754
    antipodean exile likes this.
  15. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32755
    antipodean exile likes this.
  16. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32756
    antipodean exile likes this.
  17. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    please log in to view this image
     
    #32757
    antipodean exile likes this.
  18. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    The fact that Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.
     
    #32758
    antipodean exile likes this.
  19. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    My local cafe' has started selling golf equipment.

    So I bought, 2 tees and a sandwedge....
     
    #32759
    antipodean exile likes this.
  20. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2011
    Messages:
    159,065
    Likes Received:
    293,761
    I used to date a girl with one leg, who worked in a brewery.

    She was in charge of the HOPS...
     
    #32760
    antipodean exile likes this.

Share This Page