Off Topic Jokes thread
- Thread starter devonFRATTONiser
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A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then, the still shaking driver said, 'Are you OK?...... I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly.
The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab……………….. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.
Then, the still shaking driver said, 'Are you OK?...... I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'
The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle the driver so badly.
The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab……………….. I've been driving a hearse for the past 25 years.
I said to my mate, "I just watched that film about the Nazis."
He said, "Oh what, the one with Adolf in?" I said, "No mate, you're thinking of 'Flipper', this was just about the Nazis."
He said, "Oh what, the one with Adolf in?" I said, "No mate, you're thinking of 'Flipper', this was just about the Nazis."
I asked a married woman for a date once, but she said no because I had a face like the back of a boat.
I didn't reply, I just gave her a stern look...
I didn't reply, I just gave her a stern look...
Film studios have announced a remake of Hitchcock’s classic The Birds.
Leading roles by Russell Crowe, Steven Seagal and Ethan Hawke, with music by Taylor Swift.
Leading roles by Russell Crowe, Steven Seagal and Ethan Hawke, with music by Taylor Swift.
My Grandad only had one leg, but still managed to work 40 years in a brewery.
He was in charge of the hops.
He was in charge of the hops.
I got the sack today for downloading porn and making everything crash.
They're a bit strict at Air Traffic Control.
They're a bit strict at Air Traffic Control.
Pickup lines from women:
I like carbonara, but your white sauce tastes better.
I'm always on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
I need an Uber. Do you offer long or short rides?
I can't have your eyes but our kids can.
Man I wish I were as tall as you. Mind lending me a few inches?
I'm glad I don't have a deep voice but my throat is deep enough for something at least.
I like movies... can I watch you come?
I can be Cinderella, you can see if it fits.
Can I add your kids to my skincare routine?
I'm not a waitress but I'll take the tip.
Height don't matter when I'm on all four.
Some cats don't like getting wet, but mine does.
Relationships are 50/50 - I steal your hoodies, you take my ability to walk.
I like carbonara, but your white sauce tastes better.
I'm always on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
I need an Uber. Do you offer long or short rides?
I can't have your eyes but our kids can.
Man I wish I were as tall as you. Mind lending me a few inches?
I'm glad I don't have a deep voice but my throat is deep enough for something at least.
I like movies... can I watch you come?
I can be Cinderella, you can see if it fits.
Can I add your kids to my skincare routine?
I'm not a waitress but I'll take the tip.
Height don't matter when I'm on all four.
Some cats don't like getting wet, but mine does.
Relationships are 50/50 - I steal your hoodies, you take my ability to walk.