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Tips / Bets Didleys Handy Hints & Tips

Discussion in 'Barnsley' started by Didley Squat, Aug 30, 2017.

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  1. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Right there people, you may remember me from such movies like, 'How to Build a House in 24 Hours' or 'What's this growing on my Arrse!' .......... the medical TV series thats' help so many folks around the world.

    Today, I want to help all you adult kiddies because we are such nice wholesome folks on this forum, I thought l'd start a 'Handy Hints & Tips' thread that all members can contribute to.

    I might live here in Oz but l was thinking of a great Australian product that would be extremely helpful in cold countries, like Pommieland and the North Pole.

    This great product comes in handy in cold conditions and helps start you car engine, in fact ......... its called,

    Start Ya Bastard !
    please log in to view this image

    One or two quick squirts up the air intake and your on your way!

    Trust the 'Dr Squat' to help out once again so remember,
    if your in the sh!t, ask The Squatman to help out, today!
     
    #1
    Didley Squat, Aug 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, San Diego and 3 others like this.
  2. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    So............. if you have a Handy Hint or Tip, why not share it with your friends, here on the forum!

    Over to you.........
     
    #2
    Didley Squat, Aug 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, UTRs and 2 others like this.
  3. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Do not play with matches while passing wind!!!!!
     
    #3
    Didley Squat, Aug 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, UTRs and 3 others like this.
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Attention all arsonists:

    Lighter fuel half price at Asda this coming Friday only!
     
    #4
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 30, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, UTRs and 3 others like this.
  5. Gordon Armstrong

    Gordon Armstrong Just another S.A.F.C. fan
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    Do not play with matches while passing fireworks (to each other) !
     
    #5
    Gordon Armstrong, Aug 31, 2017
    kiwiqpr, Didley Squat, San Diego and 2 others like this.
  6. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    Nice, the new thread fairy has sprinkled her magic dust on the Tykes forum<diva>

    Nice thread my sweet pea<ok>:emoticon-0152-heart
     
    #6
    UTRs, Aug 31, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Wherever and 3 others like this.
  7. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Didley is a bit shy :emoticon-0184-tmi: - he has asked me to say "Thank you dimple cheeks, and see you at usual place, Saturday evening". I'm beginning to think he is two timing me :shocked: :emoticon-0105-wink:
     
    #7
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 31, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, Didley Squat and 2 others like this.
  8. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Never trust a fart - always assume the worst !!
     
    #8
    Wooperts_duck, Aug 31, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, UTRs and 2 others like this.
  9. San Diego

    San Diego Sir Mediator
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    It is a good idea not to try and inspect a wild lions balls too closely.
     
    #9
    San Diego, Aug 31, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, UTRs and 2 others like this.
  10. San Diego

    San Diego Sir Mediator
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    If you get permanent marker on a whiteboard use a whiteboard marker and write over the top of it to remove it. (This actually works!)
     
    #10
    San Diego, Aug 31, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, kiwiqpr, UTRs and 2 others like this.

  11. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Always undo your fly before using the urinal.
     
    #11
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2017
    Didley Squat, Sep 12, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  12. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    Diddly please can you help?

    Where is the womans clit located and please give me any useful advise on how to locate this<ok>

    Is there a short cut or do I go the scenic way whilst heading down south?
     
    #12
    UTRs, Sep 12, 2017
    Wooperts_duck, kiwiqpr, Wherever and 3 others like this.
  13. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Dearly Beloved,

    The keys to opening the pearly gates of heaven are within nearly every male,
    looks are often important but alcohol, especially money can offset any negative looks you may have.
    The more money you have, the uglier you can be.

    Now if you want a 'direct root .......... sorry, route, you can try google maps but if your like me and want to
    try the scenic route, there is much reward for the slowboat to China.

    You can work your way down pass Suez Canal for a short stopover and a bit of sightseeing .........

    https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjGzuvmnKbXAhXBG5QKHXl4AmkQFggoMAA&url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suez_Canal&usg=AOvVaw0S8aMk84yZkw6ZnrLBThvp

    ........ before entering Charlotte's Pass.

    https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=7&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwid5L7GnqbXAhUDFpQKHe_7DCUQjBAIOTAG&url=http://www.charlottepass.com.au/day-tripper.html&usg=AOvVaw23W-5sVERd9aXlNZGoAXL9

    Make sure your properly equipped to enter the dark deep thick bushes of the Bavarian forest that awaits you. People are known to have loss their way before.

    https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwio1_GjnabXAhVDKJQKHdj6CL0QFggoMAA&url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bavarian_Forest&usg=AOvVaw2Ltds2spck2IyKRT8cgxrH

    Anyway UTR's, whichever way you decide to explore the great mountains & cayons of the world, make sure you take photos and post them for us to marvel.
     
    #13
    Didley Squat, Nov 5, 2017
    Wooperts_duck, UTRs, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  14. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    Podgers are really useful for aligning holes during erection :emoticon-0148-yes:
     
    #14
    Eric Le Merde, Nov 5, 2017
    Wooperts_duck, UTRs, kiwiqpr and 2 others like this.
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    stay in the black and out of the red
    you dont get nothing for two in a bed
     
    #15
    kiwiqpr, Nov 5, 2017
    San Diego, Didley Squat, Eric Le Merde and 2 others like this.
  16. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    Squatty, I found it<diva><cheers>

    It was down the back of the sofa<ok>

    And to add to the bonus I found £2.28 in loose change and an old TV remote<ok>

    please log in to view this image
     
    #16
    UTRs, Nov 5, 2017
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  17. UTRs

    UTRs Senile Member

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    So when it comes to sun and fun and goodness in the jungle, They all prefer the sunny funny one they call Um Bongo!
     
    #17
    UTRs, Nov 5, 2017
    Makemstine Roger, San Diego, Gordon Armstrong and 3 others like this.
  18. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    Notice to all MALES!!!!!!

    If you have a steering wheel stuck down your shorts, it could be driving you nuts!

    See your friendly medical practitioner today!!!!
     
    #18
    Didley Squat, Dec 29, 2017
    kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck, Gordon Armstrong and 1 other person like this.
  19. Eric Le Merde

    Eric Le Merde Well-Known Member

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    If you mill your iron bark, lay it flat or it will warp
     
    #19
    Eric Le Merde, Dec 29, 2017
    kiwiqpr, Wooperts_duck and Didley Squat like this.
  20. Didley Squat

    Didley Squat Well-Known Member

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    As a builder, if a client request a house frame to be out of hardwood, l can’t order it until the slab is down, they then cut it and deliver it ASAP.

    The frame must be cut and erected straight away, before it starts to twist, shrink and warp.

    No one in their right mind would order a hardwood house nowadays.
     
    #20
    Didley Squat, Dec 29, 2017
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