Off Topic Confession Thread!!

  • Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
  • Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!
Dear Father Woops,
I have a real problem.
I'm starting to shake with withdrawal symptoms.
I don't want to waste a good shake!
Yours sincerely,
Johnny Dribble

Dear Johnny D - nothing wrong with a good milk shake, if you can lay your hands on one. Personally, my favourite is banana, followed by chocolate. Yummy!
 
Dear Cardinal Woops,
I keep having flashbacks to a movie l made back in the late 70s.
The TV show, The Love Boat was at its peak and they had just shot a show cruising down the Suez Canal, so the producers decided to do a themed spin off.

Our movie, was The Butt Boat up Sues' Anal....... you can see the resemblance l'm sure...... of course, starring no other than, Johnny Buttbanger.

Anyway, l keep having visions of pyramids and dark alley ways?
Do you think it's related?
Regards,
Deeply Concerned.
 
Dear Cardinal Woops,
I keep having flashbacks to a movie l made back in the late 70s.
The TV show, The Love Boat was at its peak and they had just shot a show cruising down the Suez Canal, so the producers decided to do a themed spin off.

Our movie, was The Butt Boat up Sues' Anal....... you can see the resemblance l'm sure...... of course, starring no other than, Johnny Buttbanger.

Anyway, l keep having visions of pyramids and dark alley ways?
Do you think it's related?
Regards,
Deeply Concerned.

Dear Deeply Concerned,

Have you ever seen the film 'Carry on Cruising' ? If not, I suggest you view it as a matter of some urgency. The film contains numerous innuendos, many of which may be applicable to your present concerns. For example, being "taken up the back passage" may or may not apply to being in the presence of a rogue Catholic priest who fancies a bit of how's your father with your anal extremities ! Before you ask, I have never found myself in this position......err.....well it was never proved following that short stay in the nunnery in Nether Wallop back in the 1990's.........so I suggest you email Father Jack Hackett over in Ireland, who has far more experience than me regarding these nefarious activities. If you buy him a drink or two, he will show you some pictures from his vast collection, from the days before he was defrocked by The Pope. Best of luck !

Yours painfully,

Cardinal Woops xxx

 
Dear Monsignor Woops,

Sorry, I wasn't listening ............... I had my hands full at the time, now what did you say about that nice lady down the road with the bushy thatch?
It was a wet rainy day when l knocked on her door and she came to the door soaking wet. Apparently her pussy went racing outside and got caught in the storm.
She invited me in and explained that she was about to dry her pussy in front of the fire. How l love fireplaces................
 
Dear Monsignor Woops,

Sorry, I wasn't listening ............... I had my hands full at the time, now what did you say about that nice lady down the road with the bushy thatch?
It was a wet rainy day when l knocked on her door and she came to the door soaking wet. Apparently her pussy went racing outside and got caught in the storm.
She invited me in and explained that she was about to dry her pussy in front of the fire. How l love fireplaces................

Dear Senor Diddley,

Sorry I'm late replying to you, but I have been thinking about your problem, and can only suggest you contact Mrs Slocombe from Grace Brothers, who has much experience in handling pussies, and would be only too happy in showing you hers. If not, Miss Brahms will be only too willing to let you stroke hers.
Don't forget to forward the photos to me for my personal collection. Mums the word :emoticon-0127-lipss

Yours longingly,

Cardinal/Monsignor/Archbishop Woops of Longleat