I went round MC Hammer's house last week. Nice place but I didn't enjoy myself, he wouldn't let me touch anything
An Ipswich fan wrote BNAG on this board yesterday. I told him "you can't say that..... ......its BANG out of order!"
People say that rap music doesn't influence behaviour but the other day I was trying to push a nail in my wall when I decided to stop. It was hammertime!
I lost a boy called Simon who I was babysitting for. When his mum came home she asked, "Where's Si gone?" "Vietnam," I said, tongue in cheek. I realise now that there is a time and place for geography puns.
What`s the difference between a woman and a computer? You only need to punch the information into a computer once
Here's a reality joke. I caught the train on Friday evening from Redruth in Cornwall to Winchester in Hampshire and it was nearly three pounds cheaper to get a return than the single I asked for.
There was a young man from Bombay Who made a **** out of clay The heat from his prick Turned the **** into brick And chafed all his foreskin away
some cracking ones on here. for bad there is... 2 goldfish in a tank - one says to the other 'how do you drive this bloody thing' and for bad taste there is Our new puppy's been rolling around in its own ****. That's what I'm telling the wife anyway. Easier to explain than the fact that I ran out of toilet paper.
You call that bad tractorbhoy????? These are bad..... Q) What do you call a pig with 3 eyes? A) Piiig Q) What's brown and lies under a piano stool? A) Beethoven's last movement Q) What's red and sits in a tree? A) A Sanitary owl <gets coat>
Land lord is about to lock up after a busy night, when there's a knock on the door. The land lord opens the door to find a tramp standing there " please guvnor could i have a tooth pick" The land lord wondering why, gives him a tooth pick & he's off on his way. Five mins later the door goes again, & its another tramp, who also asks for a tooth pick, once again he hands him one & the tramp walks off. Then five mins later the door goes again, the land lord opens the door to another tramp, who asks him for a straw. Wondering why this tramp wants a straw rather than a tooth pick, he asks why? The tramp replies "oh some-ones been sick in your car park & all the best bits are gone !
The missus said I'm fed up with you talking behind my back and pushing me around.I said shut up you silly bitch,your in a ****ing wheelchair!
I bought a new guard dog yesterday, but it's bloody useless. It lets everybody in. It's a UK border collie.
Muslims have gone on the rampage in Bradford killing anyone who is English. Police expect the body count may be as high as 5. Two muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier, Police think this may be the start of Ram-A-Dam.
