The Rangers team for next Year: NAISMITH, NAIFUTURE, NAICLASS, NAIMONEY, NAISTADIUM, NAIHOPES, NAITROPHYS, NAIPROSPECTS, NAIFANS, NAIMANAGER AND NAIPLAYERS.
Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2
- Thread starter Resurgam
- Start date
-
Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
-
A Drug enforcement officer stopped at a farm out in the countryside, found the old farmer and said;
"I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
The old farmer said, "Okay, you won't find any, but, whatever you do don't go into that old barn over there", pointing at the barn..
The DEO officer verbally exploded saying, "Listen, I have the authority of the Government with me !"
Reaching into his pocket, the DEO officer pulled out his badge and proudly displayed it to the farmer.
"See this ****ing badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I want.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand you halfwit?!
The farmer nodded politely, said sorry, and went about his work.
A short time later, the farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEO officer running for his life, being chased by the farmers
12 stone Rottweiler, the barn door stood open!!!
With every step the dog was gaining ground, and it seemed sure and certain that the dog would get his teeth into the DEO before he reached safety.
The officer was clearly terrified and was screaming for help.
The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his voice.....
Your badge, show him your ****ing BADGE........ ! !"
ILD OTBC
"I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
The old farmer said, "Okay, you won't find any, but, whatever you do don't go into that old barn over there", pointing at the barn..
The DEO officer verbally exploded saying, "Listen, I have the authority of the Government with me !"
Reaching into his pocket, the DEO officer pulled out his badge and proudly displayed it to the farmer.
"See this ****ing badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I want.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand you halfwit?!
The farmer nodded politely, said sorry, and went about his work.
A short time later, the farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEO officer running for his life, being chased by the farmers
12 stone Rottweiler, the barn door stood open!!!
With every step the dog was gaining ground, and it seemed sure and certain that the dog would get his teeth into the DEO before he reached safety.
The officer was clearly terrified and was screaming for help.
The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his voice.....
Your badge, show him your ****ing BADGE........ ! !"
ILD OTBC
A feminist visits Kabul, just after the fall of the Taliban and is not pleased to find women must walk 5 paces behind men. A year later she returns and is delighted that men must now walk 5 paces behind women. She asked the interpreter, "What brought about the change?" He replied, "Landmines!"
This from my new mate, "fromthestands" the Wigan moderator.
What do you call 3 pies on a stick??
A Wigan Kebab!
ILD OTBC
What do you call 3 pies on a stick??
A Wigan Kebab!
ILD OTBC
Roy Hodgson has been arrested in Asda for stealing kitchen utensils.
He pleaded, "It was a whisk I had to take."
He pleaded, "It was a whisk I had to take."
An Ipswich man arrived home from work the other day to be confronted by his daughter dildoing herself with a cucumber.
"Thats disgusting" he said. "I was going to eat that tonight". "Now its going to taste of cucmber!"
"Thats disgusting" he said. "I was going to eat that tonight". "Now its going to taste of cucmber!"
I walked in to Argos and said, could you sell me a kettle.
"Kenwood?" The assistant replied.
I said " Well, go and fetch him then."
"Kenwood?" The assistant replied.
I said " Well, go and fetch him then."
Dad, where are the Alps?
I dunno son, ask your mother, she's always putting things away.
ILD OTBC
I dunno son, ask your mother, she's always putting things away.
ILD OTBC
A Ipswich winner of mastermind, a Ipswich member of Mensa and
Luke Skywalker were walking past Portman Road when they spotted a £10
note on the ground, which one picked it up?
Got it yet?...........................
It was Luke Skywalker of course, the other two don't exist!
ILD OTBC
Luke Skywalker were walking past Portman Road when they spotted a £10
note on the ground, which one picked it up?
Got it yet?...........................
It was Luke Skywalker of course, the other two don't exist!
ILD OTBC
BBC have just announced they will be unable to show live coverage of the funeral of Vidal Sassoon.
They will only be able to show highlights!
They will only be able to show highlights!
I was playing golf the other night when the captain came up and asked me if I could show a prospective member round.
I told him no problem but he asked me to be careful as the guy was an Afghani. I said no problem as long as he could speak a bit of English. The captain said he spoke good English so I agreed.
Wel the guy did speak very good English and we got on very well. And after 9 holes he was 4 under par.
However, on the back nine, he blew up.
I told him no problem but he asked me to be careful as the guy was an Afghani. I said no problem as long as he could speak a bit of English. The captain said he spoke good English so I agreed.
Wel the guy did speak very good English and we got on very well. And after 9 holes he was 4 under par.
However, on the back nine, he blew up.
ZEN TEACHINGS Bear with it there's quite a few of these!
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
ILD OTBC
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
ILD OTBC
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead,
try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
ILD OTBC
try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
ILD OTBC