1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2

Discussion in 'Norwich City' started by Resurgam, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. SAM THE (NORWICH) MAN

    SAM THE (NORWICH) MAN Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2011
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    2
    The Rangers team for next Year: NAISMITH, NAIFUTURE, NAICLASS, NAIMONEY, NAISTADIUM, NAIHOPES, NAITROPHYS, NAIPROSPECTS, NAIFANS, NAIMANAGER AND NAIPLAYERS.
     
    #341
  2. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    A Drug enforcement officer stopped at a farm out in the countryside, found the old farmer and said;
    "I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs."
    The old farmer said, "Okay, you won't find any, but, whatever you do don't go into that old barn over there", pointing at the barn..
    The DEO officer verbally exploded saying, "Listen, I have the authority of the Government with me !"
    Reaching into his pocket, the DEO officer pulled out his badge and proudly displayed it to the farmer.
    "See this ****ing badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I want.... On any land !!
    No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand you halfwit?!
    The farmer nodded politely, said sorry, and went about his work.
    A short time later, the farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEO officer running for his life, being chased by the farmers
    12 stone Rottweiler, the barn door stood open!!!
    With every step the dog was gaining ground, and it seemed sure and certain that the dog would get his teeth into the DEO before he reached safety.
    The officer was clearly terrified and was screaming for help.
    The farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his voice.....

    Your badge, show him your ****ing BADGE........ ! !"

    ILD OTBC
     
    #342
  3. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    45,962
    Likes Received:
    8,518
    A feminist visits Kabul, just after the fall of the Taliban and is not pleased to find women must walk 5 paces behind men. A year later she returns and is delighted that men must now walk 5 paces behind women. She asked the interpreter, "What brought about the change?" He replied, "Landmines!"
     
    #343
  4. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    This from my new mate, "fromthestands" the Wigan moderator.

    What do you call 3 pies on a stick??

    A Wigan Kebab!

    ILD OTBC
     
    #344
  5. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    17,327
    Likes Received:
    8,161
    Roy Hodgson has been arrested in Asda for stealing kitchen utensils.
    He pleaded, "It was a whisk I had to take."
     
    #345
  6. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    4,459
    Likes Received:
    7
    An Ipswich man arrived home from work the other day to be confronted by his daughter dildoing herself with a cucumber.
    "Thats disgusting" he said. "I was going to eat that tonight". "Now its going to taste of cucmber!"
     
    #346

  7. Rich44

    Rich44 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2011
    Messages:
    2,036
    Likes Received:
    345
    ROFLMAO!!!!!

    Speaking as someone who hates cucumber!!
     
    #347
  8. Walsh.i.am

    Walsh.i.am Well-Known Member Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    17,327
    Likes Received:
    8,161
    I walked in to Argos and said, could you sell me a kettle.
    "Kenwood?" The assistant replied.
    I said " Well, go and fetch him then."
     
    #348
  9. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    Dad, where are the Alps?
    I dunno son, ask your mother, she's always putting things away.

    ILD OTBC
     
    #349
  10. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    A Ipswich winner of mastermind, a Ipswich member of Mensa and
    Luke Skywalker were walking past Portman Road when they spotted a £10
    note on the ground, which one picked it up?

    Got it yet?...........................












    It was Luke Skywalker of course, the other two don't exist! <laugh>


    ILD OTBC
     
    #350
  11. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    4,459
    Likes Received:
    7
    BBC have just announced they will be unable to show live coverage of the funeral of Vidal Sassoon.
    They will only be able to show highlights!
     
    #351
  12. canary-dave

    canary-dave Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2011
    Messages:
    45,962
    Likes Received:
    8,518
    Is this because they've had a crew cut??
     
    #352
  13. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    4,459
    Likes Received:
    7
    Yes Bob
     
    #353
  14. redruthyella

    redruthyella Active Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    4,459
    Likes Received:
    7
    I was playing golf the other night when the captain came up and asked me if I could show a prospective member round.
    I told him no problem but he asked me to be careful as the guy was an Afghani. I said no problem as long as he could speak a bit of English. The captain said he spoke good English so I agreed.
    Wel the guy did speak very good English and we got on very well. And after 9 holes he was 4 under par.
    However, on the back nine, he blew up.
     
    #354
  15. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    ZEN TEACHINGS Bear with it there's quite a few of these!

    Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
    Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
    Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.
    In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

    ILD OTBC
     
    #355
  16. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

    ILD OTBC
     
    #356
  17. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    No one is listening until you fart. :emoticon-0172-mooni

    ILD OTBC
     
    #357
  18. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    ILD OTBC
     
    #358
  19. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    ILD
     
    #359
  20. ilovedelia

    ilovedelia Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2011
    Messages:
    4,140
    Likes Received:
    1,177
    If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead,
    try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

    ILD OTBC
     
    #360

Share This Page