The BBC has announced that it is axing Bob the Builder, a spokesman said they "Can no longer trust any childrens TV star who claims to fix it ".
SAD NEWS JUST IN. A man died today when a betting shop collapsed and he was crushed by boxes of betting slips, paramedics tried to save him but said the odds were stacked against him.
My wife said to me "The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie." I replied "Which is this?"
Got the wife a pug dog the other day Despite the bulging eyes, pug face & rolls of fat The dog seems to like her !
I don't get why everyone is being so hard on Jimmy Savile? God, when I was very young, Jim fixed it for me to milk the goat while wearing only a blindfold!
Staff at Mandeville hospital have banned Santa Claus from the childrens ward this year. Letting a man in with white hair and a full sack was thought inappropriate.
Sorry this is a bit long, but here goes: WHO SAID FOOTBALLERS AREN'T INTELLIGENT? My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. " David Beckham "I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." Mark Viduka "Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." David Beckham "If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall "I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne "I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer "I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona " Mark Draper "You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." Peter Shilton "I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester " Stan Collymore "I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing." Ade Akinbiyi "Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match." Ian Wright "I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu " Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." Jonathan Woodgate "I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." Stuart Pearce "I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." Lee Hendrie "I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush " Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." Steve Lomas "I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." David Beckham "The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European." Phil Neville "All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." Mitchell Thomas "One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." Alan Shearer "I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd." Johnny Giles "Sometimes in football you have to score goals." Thierry Henry
"I've thrown the new Bond villain out of my pub". "Javier Bardem?" "No, he can come back when he's sober"."
Mark Clattenberg has announced he will retire at the end of next season! Sir Alex Ferguson has said he will be granted a testimonial match!
I went out with a girl who had a plasticine fanny, I couldn't get my cock in but I think I left a good impression!
