Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2
- Thread starter Resurgam
- Start date
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The preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar .."
With that, Tyrone got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of his head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed for divine intervention for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week".
With that, Tyrone got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Tyrone, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Tyrone replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher put one finger of one hand in Tyrone's ear, placed his other hand on top of his head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed for divine intervention for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week".
To be perfectly honest Dave, I thought with all the racist controversy at the moment, some people might think the name Leroy had connotations. Tyrone is an equally naughty name as down here in Cornwall it is associated with boys from Camborne who have run ins with the police.
The world has gone mad. I sit in front of my keyboard worrying about peoples feelings and I don't even know them.
A Welshman was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Taff.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
This time the only survivor was Ann Widdecombe.
That evening, the man brought Ann to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze -perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Ann and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Ann batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
Oh Yes, he said......... 'could you take that bloody dog for a walk?'
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him.
After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Taff.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
This time the only survivor was Ann Widdecombe.
That evening, the man brought Ann to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze -perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Ann and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Ann batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.
Oh Yes, he said......... 'could you take that bloody dog for a walk?'
Jimmy saville once applied for the England job in the 90's
But was turned down for wanting to put seamen in the under 16's !
But was turned down for wanting to put seamen in the under 16's !
The good thing about marriage is you can have sex as many times as you like........as long as you are the one with the vagina !!
I apologise for the fact that this is in poor taste but is probably quite accurate!
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Maestro......get yourself down here and have a word please! There's a mod gone rogue!