Bad Joke Thread - Volume 2
- Thread starter Resurgam
- Start date
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Marcus Evans thought he had a CULT following, then he realised it was Paul Jewell and a spelling mistake!
Marcus Evans thought he had a CULT following, then he realised it was Paul Jewell and a spelling mistake!
Do you know the difference between Jeremy Forrest and Stevie Wonder?
Both Stevie Wonder's pupils were fcuked!
Both Stevie Wonder's pupils were fcuked!
The good news is, Megan Stammers has passed her Maths Oral. She remembered how many times 30 went into 15.
Three Irishmen are sitting in the pub window seat,
Watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.
"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,
Knocks, and goes inside.
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi
When they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.
"One of the girls must have died.”
Watching the front door of the brothel over the road.
The local Methodist pastor appears, and quickly goes inside.
"Would you look at that!" says the first Irishman.
"Didn't I always say what a bunch of hypocrites they are?"
No sooner are the words out of his mouth than a Rabbi appears at the door,
Knocks, and goes inside.
"Another one trying to fool everyone with pious preaching and stupid hats!"
They continue drinking their beer roundly condemning the vicar and the rabbi
When they see their own Catholic priest knock on the door.
"Ah, now dat's sad." says the third Irishman.
"One of the girls must have died.”
This is indeed the ultimate plan!** **It could work!*****
You gotta love Robin Williams........
Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up
with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN
Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.****
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with thislogic!)*****
'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not
heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'*****
1) 'The US, UK , CANADA , New Zealand and AUSTRALIA will
apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their
affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin
Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those
'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.*****
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world,
starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and
the Philippines .. They don't want us there. We would
station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking
through holes in the fence.*****
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs
together and leave We'll give them a free trip home. After
90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported
immediately, regardless of whom or where they are from.
They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.*****
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and
limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one
from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't
like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here.
Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any
more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.*****
5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are
the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D'
and it's back home baby.*****
6) The US, UK , CANADA , New Zealand and AUSTRALIA
will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy
wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of
energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the
Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a
while*****
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10
a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go
someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their
production. (About a week of the wells filling up the
storage sites would be enough.)*****
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the
world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or
whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need.
Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the
army. The people who need it most get very little, if
anything.*****
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island
someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends
here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless
shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.*****
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That
way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The
Language we speak is ENGLISH..learn it..or LEAVE...Now,
isn't that a winner of a plan?*****
'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your
tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball
bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' '*****
You gotta love Robin Williams........
Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up
with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN
Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.****
Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with thislogic!)*****
'I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not
heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'*****
1) 'The US, UK , CANADA , New Zealand and AUSTRALIA will
apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their
affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin
Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those
'good 'ole' boys', we will never 'interfere' again.*****
2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world,
starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East , and
the Philippines .. They don't want us there. We would
station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking
through holes in the fence.*****
3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs
together and leave We'll give them a free trip home. After
90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported
immediately, regardless of whom or where they are from.
They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.*****
4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and
limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one
from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't
like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here.
Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any
more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.*****
5) No foreign 'students' over age 21. The older ones are
the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D'
and it's back home baby.*****
6) The US, UK , CANADA , New Zealand and AUSTRALIA
will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy
wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of
energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the
Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a
while*****
7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10
a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go
someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their
production. (About a week of the wells filling up the
storage sites would be enough.)*****
8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the
world, we will not 'interfere.' They can pray to Allah or
whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need.
Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the
army. The people who need it most get very little, if
anything.*****
9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island
someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends
here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless
shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.*****
10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That
way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer. The
Language we speak is ENGLISH..learn it..or LEAVE...Now,
isn't that a winner of a plan?*****
'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your
tired, your poor, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball
bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' '*****