Where's JWM with his "only two in twenty" mantra???

I had a friend who was asked to leave a pub because a premier league team coach was about to arrive - his response was to put a quid in the juke box and put this on ten times!
When I go on holiday I never wear a watch or indeed any time piece whatsoever! Complete and utter freedom, bliss!![]()


Going back to your car with bags of shopping in one hand, WHY are your cars keys ALWAYS in the the pocket of the hand carrying the bags?
Why does the weather girl come on the morning news to say, it's going to rain later, I'll have more on that in 15 minutes?
Why do I have this never ending compulsion to punch Robbie Williams?
Why do you always meet another car on the narrowest section of a straight road?![]()


Why do they give you a weather forecast at 6PM and tell you what weather you have experienced in the PREVIOUS 12 hours?
If Williams goes down when you punch him, can I head butt him in the bollocks using Katie Price's head?