Last night, my wife accused me of having OCD. I immediately put her in her place.
I'm off to a club where you drink all you want for just under £20.... So tonight I'm going to party like it's £19.99!
My girlfriend was very specific that when we got a house, it would have a lengthy corridor.... I should have spotted she was in it for the long hall.
I went to the Drs..... I had a spring onion in one ear and a green bean in the other.
The Dr said 'why have you got a spring onion in one ear and a green bean in the other ear?'
I said 'What?'
Sitting in front of a roaring fire, I thought to myself: Lions don't burn as well as logs.
The Deep's shut for a week for cleaning porpoises
I've just been given a cassette of protest songs to listen to....I think it's a demo tape.
I just couldn't remember what those ballet skirts were called... then I put Tu and Tu together...
After studying semaphore for 3 months, I've noticed my interest is flagging.
Someone just complimented me on a cuppa... I told her, 'it's my special tea'.
I went to a seventies party last night dressed as Ziggy Stardust, only to find lots of people over 70.
I got so much spam this morning.... I should have cancelled my subscription to 'Tinned meats monthly'!
Incredible to think isn’t it, that every single Scotsman, started off as a scotch egg.
I've just been diagnosed with Sausagephobia.
I fear the Wurst.
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in BIG trouble!! You have my word.
