Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

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originallambrettaman said:
After every flight, QANTAS pilots fill out a form, known as a 'gripe sheet' to tell mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics fix the problem, and then document their repairs on the form.

Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by the pilots (marked with a 'P') and the solutions recorded (marked by an 'S') by maintenance engineers, who by the way have a sense of humour:

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Left inside main tyre almost replaced.

P: Test flight OK, auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back order.

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Can't reproduce problem on the ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspect crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed in cockpit.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Click to expand...

Just read these, ****ing brilliant. Made me laugh out loud, just what I needed with all this **** around at the mo.
 
Just how does this thread cheer one up. The only thing that will do that is word that the Allams have left the building. ALLAMS OUT
 
Hillary Clinton decided to send Donald Trump a letter to let him know how she felt about him.
Trump opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line coded message:

370HSSV 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Vanessa Trump and his children.
Vanessa Trump and the children had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at FBI, CIA or NASA. They eventually asked Britain's MI6 for help.
Within minutes, MI6 cabled this reply:
"Tell Mr Trump that he is holding the message upside down."
 
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Other than the obvious, can you guess what these pictures are?

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Butterfly and moth wings
Well I thought it was good.
 
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I was packing for my business trip and my three year old granddaughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Grandad, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Grandad's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked back and my granddaughter who was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, darling?"

She replied, "What happened to my bogie?"
 
On tee shirts, why do the letters C and S seem to fall off?

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