Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different

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One evening, after the honeymoon, Tom was working on his Harley in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage. You probably should also consider selling your Harley and all your welding equipment along with your gun collection, and your fishing gear, and the boat and lose all those stupid model airplanes, plus dump that vintage hot rod sports car, and your home brewing equipment..."

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "For a minute there, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!?" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom replied, “I wasn't.."
 
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This will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future...!

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day...There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2025, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 
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A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.
 
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This is just a picture I took whilst on holiday in Italy last week, this little fella, well I think its male, was buzzing around for ages before it settled on one of the plants on the hotel roof garden. I took quite a few pictures and it actually turned round so that I could take various pictures, posing little git. I think it's a dragonfly but if anyone knows different then correct me, oh, no fancy camera, just my Microsoft Lumia phone camera, not bad.
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A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a Northumbrian courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Hull City whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone.
 
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C'mon ref said:
This is just a picture I took whilst on holiday in Italy last week, this little fella, well I think its male, was buzzing around for ages before it settled on one of the plants on the hotel roof garden. I took quite a few pictures and it actually turned round so that I could take various pictures, posing little git. I think it's a dragonfly but if anyone knows different then correct me, oh, no fancy camera, just my Microsoft Lumia phone camera, not bad.
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Click to expand...

Great picture, here is one I took, not as good, but on the wildlife theme, one of my resident fly catcher.

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Cambstiger said:
A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a Northumbrian courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Hull City whom the boy firmly believes are incapable of beating anyone.
Click to expand...
Rotherham, Ipswich. Award custody to other entity.
 
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