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Good luck with that mush. It looks good and your enthusiasm for your subject shines through. Maybe get someone to run an eye over your English and help you out with the grammer.
 
Yep as stated above, your enthusiasm is clear and as a first pop it's great. There's a couple of editorial tweaks of course (for instance there's a VERY long sentence in the second section) but the more you practice and the more you write, the better it will become. Good luck!
 
Le Tissier's Laces said:
Yep as stated above, your enthusiasm is clear and as a first pop it's great. There's a couple of editorial tweaks of course (for instance there's a VERY long sentence in the second section) but the more you practice and the more you write, the better it will become. Good luck!
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Cheers, appreciate that. Thought I'd get slaughtered in all fairness ;)
 
Not bad at all. Of course, being Saints supporters, we've all read this sort of thing before in various ways and means. So, if I'm going to be picky [which you wanted] I would have liked you to have explored the old question of the opposition supporter's, media's and professional perception of Southampton a little more, because that's where a dichotomy lies. How does Cortese and Pochettino attract excellent players to the South Coast without 1] Paying the Earth for them, 2] Making them feel as if they've not been washed up in some homespun cultural backwater. The unfortunate perception is still Struggling Southampton and not Super Saints. How do you change that..? In my opinion, Saints will be hitting a glass ceiling until we do.
 
Edited that pesky sentence!

TheSecondStain said:
Not bad at all. Of course, being Saints supporters, we've all read this sort of thing before in various ways and means. So, if I'm going to be picky [which you wanted] I would have liked you to have explored the old question of the opposition supporter's, media's and professional perception of Southampton a little more, because that's where a dichotomy lies. How does Cortese and Pochettino attract excellent players to the South Coast without 1] Paying the Earth for them, 2] Making them feel as if they've not been washed up in some homespun cultural backwater. The unfortunate perception is still Struggling Southampton and not Super Saints. How do you change that..? In my opinion, Saints will be hitting a glass ceiling until we do.
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Will do now.
 
Keep going, keep writing, keep developing your style. The more material I can read about Saints the better.

p.s. Caption under Cortese should read "disliked by most" ;)
 
Yep, much meatier. You've put forward a strong and genuine view this time. That's what a blog is about after all - not a scientific paper. As someone has pointed out in your comments section, you need to go over the text because where you've made changes, you left a few previous attempts in.

And it should be Promised Land, by the way. :)

Good read.
 
TheSecondStain said:
Yep, much meatier. You've put forward a strong and genuine view this time. That's what a blog is about after all - not a scientific paper. As someone has pointed out in your comments section, you need to go over the text because where you've made changes, you left a few previous attempts in.

And it should be Promised Land, by the way. :)

Good read.
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Will do in the morning.


Thank you very much indeed!
 
Much improved with more passion to it. Still a couple of missing words...read through carefully again. Editing can be difficult as we tend to scan when we read...read it out loud to yourself and you will hear the mistakes.
 
"Signings that rise the eyebrows".

Not a bad read. However, I have to be honest that I was somewhat prejudiced from the start when you stated that you have only been watching Saints since 2010. Straight away, I'm thinking what on earth can you tell me about a team I've been watching for 50 years.

Now, of course your opinion is as valid as mine and no doubt you look at things in a different way to me. However, if I go to see a 'specialist' I want the specialist to have experience and knowledge. So, by kind of declaring, "I don't know much about the subject but here I go anyway" is for me a dodgy start. A bit like reading a GCSE paper.

Having said that, it actually reads pretty well and I suspect others will disagree with me anyway.

Also, who are you aiming this at? If you want to target just Saints fans then starting with, "I'm a Saints fan" is fine. But, if you want to go on and write about other football related issues then staying neutral would be a better approach in my opinion.
 
This a nice read and flows well.

A couple of things;

"Southampton are certainly sending attempting to send a message to the Premier League, "
(This sentence needs tidying up.)

" Some of the best signings however have been frees; tying key players such as talisman Rickie Lambert, Adam Lallana and Morgan Schneiderlin, who was very impressive in his debut season in the top flight, to extended contracts are a clear statement of intent that Southampton want to shake the tag of `selling club` off for good."
(This kind of intimates that Rickie was a freebie as well.)
 
A really good read, I enjoyed it - well done!

I can't add too much more than has already been mentioned other than to talk about the layout and, in particular, the centralised text. This is not good practice on a web page. The main reason for this is that Dyslexics may find it difficult to read because they may lose their place. It is best on a web page to stick to left-aligned unjustified text (justified text creates what is called a 'sea of white' effect caused by the uneven spacing)

Good article though.
 
Shades said:
A really good read, I enjoyed it - well done!

I can't add too much more than has already been mentioned other than to talk about the layout and, in particular, the centralised text. This is not good practice on a web page. The main reason for this is that Dyslexics may find it difficult to read because they may lose their place. It is best on a web page to stick to left-aligned unjustified text (justified text creates what is called a 'sea of white' effect caused by the uneven spacing)

Good article though.
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Sorry that should be "river"
 
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